


Recyclable Materials

by ElmiDol



Series: Waiting for Trash Day [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Boderline Sociopath, Borderline Personality, Cum feeding, DomKylo, Double Penetration, Drugs, Emotions, F/M, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren's Perspective, Lots of masturbation, Mind Manipulation, Multiple Orgasms, Naked Female Clothed Male, Overstimulation, Probably more feelsy than SKT, Sociopathy, Strange Behavior, SubKylo, Suicidal Thoughts, Teasing, There's More to their relationship than meets the eye, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, assassinations, dubcon, inappropriate use of lightsaber, limited perspective, mentions of rimming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2018-12-24 18:35:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12018636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElmiDol/pseuds/ElmiDol
Summary: NOTE: MUST READ 'SUCH KYLO TRASH' COMPLETELY TO AVOID MAJOR SPOILERS{Companion fic to Such Kylo Trash; same story though in Kylo's perspective}Of all the tasks to receive, you were given that of preparing Kylo Ren's quarters. It was as difficult as it sounded, but you were not going to give up!And when a connection appeared to develop--well, you could not exactly explain your feelings, even though he didn't seem a stranger to them.~Re-uploading due to multiple Requests~





	1. Reiteration

Reiteration

Not everything always went as planned. It was rare, however, that things would go so awry. A mistake on the part of the officer in charge of bringing in the training droid—a training droid that had been altered to kill individuals with certain characteristics. Originally the droid had been intended to assassinate a political figure in what could have been deemed a ‘tragic accident’. The officer’s carelessness, however, had resulted in this. This being Kylo Ren standing in the entrance of his quarters and staring at you. A blaster uselessly in your hands, and your trembling form as you sobbed. Already a month had transpired, and you could hardly deal with the fact that your weapon had been used. An accident that, realistically, had nothing to do with you. And yet you were blaming yourself.

Kylo Ren hesitated; he had watched you each night since the incident. Had insisted that you underwent multiple psych evaluations. You were an asset to the First Order, and Supreme Leader would not wish for you to be disposed of when you could still be of so much use. As for the Master of the Knights of Ren, his relationship with you had evolved past that of simply being your handler. Perhaps that was one of the reasons Supreme Leader offered words of wisdom. The human mind was like a computer in so many ways. It could be reset. He had entered his quarters intending to do just that—and breathed in relief when the blaster slipped from your hands and clattered to the floor.

“I’m sorry,” you sobbed out. “I wouldn’t… I didn’t want to… I’m sorry. I wouldn’t do that to you. I’m so sorry.”

He squatted in front of you, wondering just how much to take. Very few in the First Order knew of your true occupation. Yet he could not take away everything, unless your father was to be humored in having you discharged. This was not in line with Supreme Leader’s wishes. All he needed to do was take away the reason you were blaming yourself; if you recalled your skillset, however, you would know. He started from there, taking away those things. Which meant he had to erase everything that had happened between the two of you as well.

.

.

.

It had been months since he had so much as seen you—in person. According to psychological evaluations, you were mentally sound enough to continue your tasks as an officer. As an assassination for the First Order, on the other hand… Kylo Ren listened passively as General Hux outlined your behavior. In no other officer would this have been tolerated. A certain Officer Keln, brother to one of those killed in the incident, was blaming you—simply because you had survived. A large part of him wanted to kill the man. A flash of memory, you holding the gun. Another flash, of you curled into a ball under the covers. Crying and clutching onto his cowl.

If it were not for the fact that a sudden disappearance from Officer Keln held the risk of triggering more stress than enduring his words, Kylo Ren would have either killed the man or else have him transferred. Unfortunately, you had not raised a fuss about the man’s behavior, only passively commenting on it to a certain Lieutenant Mitaka. You apparently had taken a liking to the man—here the redhead eyed him with a certain level of caution, clearly having no desire for the officer to be murdered in a bout of jealous rage—and so confided in him. What the General did not realize was that Kylo Ren would not do such a thing; not harm you in such a way.

“Supreme Leader sees it fit that she have contact with you. It may trigger…certain behaviors. I have the task of preparing your quarters assigned to her.” Air rushed into his lungs, and he nearly faltered in his step. His Master, however, had trained him better. “Careful, Ren, that you do not compromise this. Commander (L/n) is still pushing for her to be discharged.”

“Yet you’re the one allowing the risks of illness and injury by permitting her to slide down the garbage chute.”

“The adrenaline rush she achieves may prove useful. It apparently helps with her depressive episodes. She is kept up to date on all her shots, and she has the schedule for the compactor memorized.” Kylo Ren chuckled whilst the redhead rolled his eyes at his own words. You had never been boring, that was for certain.

General Hux broke away from him; after being away from the _Finalizer_ , the man intended to see to it that things were running as they should be. Kylo Ren, meanwhile, stalked through the hallways of the Star Destroyer after more than three weeks of being away. This would be the first time in quite some time he would have personal contact with you. You had, after all, been kept on Starkiller until the psychologists felt it safe to transfer you elsewhere. Officer Keln’s presence had been overlooked; that was one of the items the General of the First Order was checking up on.

.

.

.

Kylo Ren entered his living quarters, tensing when he noticed a strange shape on his pillow. The door closed behind him as he crossed the room to his bed. He ran a gloved hand above the design made of chocolates. What the kriff had you attempted to make? He tilted his head to the side and prodded at one of the chocolates. One of your psychologists had taken to having you make various designs, be it by drawing or arranging items. It was always to see what your subconscious remembered, what bits of your time with Kylo Ren from the past had not been fully erased.

His attention shifted over to the bottle of wine as well as the glass that you had set on his bedside table. He well recognized the wine. It was one of your favorites. The first time you had tasted it, you had cupped the bottle in your hand, sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the toilet, and read the entire label. Out loud. To him. At that point in time, the two of you had been nothing more than assassin and handler. Until that night you drank too much, drunkenly asking him if he believed creatures in sewers could become inebriated from alcohol flushed down toilets. All the while lowering yourself to your knees, pawing at the front of his pants. Making him so damn hard that he did not reject you when you pulled free his cock and moaned the moment his dick was in your mouth.

Kylo Ren grabbed hold of his datapad, quickly typing a summons. He was rather curious as to how you would react to him. And still left wondering what the hell you had attempted to make with the chocolates. While he waited for you, he opened the wine and poured himself a glass.

You must have been nearby, however, for he could hear you huffing and then gulping outside the door. Fidgeting. He waited, remaining perfectly still until—such a tentative knock, he thought with a snicker. Kylo Ren lifted a hand, using the Force to open the door to his quarters. He stared down at the pillow as you entered. You hesitated near the door before taking a cautious step forward.

“What is this?”

“A… A tauntaun, Sir,” you said, glancing towards the figure you had made with the chocolates.

He turned his head, considering you. In some ways, he could now see that it was, indeed, a tauntaun. He observed you tensing up. You were more shy than he remembered, more timid. He expected this from other officers, not you. Kylo Ren reached down and plucked up a single wrapped treat. He rolled it in his fingers, the aluminum wrapper releasing a sort of crinkling as it touched various portions of his leather glove. “This. What is this?”

“Oh!” He heard you clearing your throat, perking up a little. “Chocolate, Sir.”

Plain? So unlike you. “Chocolate?” Surely it was filled with _something_.

You stepped forward, pinching the chocolate’s wrapper and tugging it away from him. He quickly looked at your face. You suddenly weren’t scared of him, it seemed. You held up the chocolate on display.

“You unwrap it, Sir, like this,” you said. Kylo Ren had the distinct impression you believed you were lecturing a child on the fine art of opening candy. He bit back a sarcastic response, not taking for granted that you were talking to him. Kylo Ren watched your fingers working open the aluminum wrapping, not tearing it a single time. “And you eat it, Sir. It’s sweet…maybe a little bitter if you get the darker ones, but these are milk, so—“

“Do you believe I am ignorant to the existence of chocolate?” He did not want to scare you off, however he could not deny that he was baffled. In part due to you telling him all about chocolate. And in part due to the chocolate being plain. He watched as blush crept onto your cheeks, which then drained of color. Kylo Ren straightened, stepping towards the end of the bed to allow you some room. He did not take his eyes off of you. Couldn’t. “Why is it on my bed?” In the past it was a ploy; you would tell him chocolates were like an aphrodisiac.

“I, uh, was trying to be fancy, Commander.”

“You may take it to the garbage,” he said levelly. It was not as though he didn’t appreciate the gesture. Yet he knew you well enough to be aware that you wouldn’t give up. Perhaps next time you would remember that he liked caramel in his chocolate. Or it would be a happy accident. In the meantime, Kylo Ren watched you scooping up the chocolates. He was curious as to whether you would actually throw them away or if you would smuggle them into your room.

When you left his quarters, Kylo Ren removed his helmet, which he set down on his pillow where the chocolates had been. The Force user picked up his glass of wine, swirling the liquid therein before downing it in its entirety. He poured himself another glass and then, carrying the bottle in one hand and the glass in the other, made his way into the refresher. He tipped the bottle over, watching the remainder of the wine tornado down into the drain whilst he sipped his second glass. There were no creatures in the sewers or collection tanks of the _Finalizer_.

_He growled when you had pulled your mouth off of him, and yet you kept pumping him, swirling your tongue on his slit, and giggling as he ejaculated on your face. “I got a handle on you now, sir,” you had slurred out. You rested your forehead, sticky with his cum, on his thigh. “It’s nice with you.” For someone who had carried out an assassination earlier in the cycle, you were rather chipper. “The last guy…my original handler… He wasn’t… He looked at me like I was crazy. I know what I am, sir, and crazy isn’t it.”_

_“There’s a reason he was replaced,” he murmured, hesitantly reaching down and petting your hair. He watched as you closed your eyes. It was different than anyone else. You respected his power, on some levels feared it, and yet treated him in a manner that reminded him he was a human. That he was a man. There was a level of understanding he had previously experienced only with the Knights of Ren and his Master. You trailed your hands from his thighs to his waist, tapping the lightsaber on it. “There are wires…” The way you were biting your bottom lip and eyeing it, he knew. Oh, he knew what you wanted._

_“I trust you,” you said._

_“You drank half a bottle of wine. I’m hardly surprised you trust me so completely.” A smile from you, you batting your eyelashes at him. “When you’re sober… If you ask me again when you’re sober.”_

_The next day, after you had slept off your hangover, you had fingered the hilt of his lightsaber. The two of you spent the remainder of the cycle in his quarters. You naked, panting, and moaning as he fucked you—with his fingers, his tongue, his cock, and his weapon._

.

.

.

The next day, he was smirking when he entered his quarters. That morning he had made his bed, however he could see where you had straightened it further. There was one time you had lectured him on smoothing out the corners, which you had been taught during your training as an officer. There was a new bottle of wine on his bedside table along with a glass. You likely thought him an alcoholic, yet it seemed you were quite the enabler even if that were the case. The design on his pillow had him sighing. The Command Shuttle. He remembered the first time you had ridden on the Command Shuttle. You had been rather bouncy. Annoyed the crew. That, too, was before you had been in a relationship with him. Your antics had amused him all the same.

He traced his finger in the air above the design. It was a far better rendition than your tauntaun had been. Kylo Ren picked up his datapad. He passively wondered if you were going to be annoyed.

Judging from your mental swearing—he was gentle when he entered your head, having no desire to startle you—you were quite pissed indeed. Outwardly, however, you had better control over yourself. You ducked your head when he opened the door. Your eyes were glued to the floor. “Yes, Sir?” So meek, and yet he could hear the underlying _I fucking hate you right now_ in your voice.

“No chocolates.”

“Vanilla, Sir.”

Ah, that explained the coloring of the wrapper. “Garbage.” Such an adorable pout, he thought whilst watching you scoop up the candies.

.

.

.

Kylo Ren recognized immediately what the candies were the next day. On his bed, in those wrappers, they could be only one thing. They were your fiancé’s favorite flavor, preferred brand. Former fiancé. Deceased fiancé, he reminded himself. He curled his hands into fists then forced them to relax. He had to remember that it wasn’t your fault. You remembered your fiancé’s favorites, yet not his. In a way, he was grateful to your fiancé for cheating on you. Had he not, you would never have killed the man. Would never have been discovered as having potential for the role you were meant to play in the First Order. Thus you would never have been in his life the way you had.

He felt torn. Between his anger and irritation, and the fact that you at least remembered, on some level, anything at all with a romantic background. Even if it had not been with him. Kylo Ren summoned you back his quarters.

You were watching him, a bundle of nerves. He could feel it through the Force. Kylo Ren lifted one of the candies, removed the wrapper, and felt his anger win out. He squeezed the vanilla-chocolate mix, which smeared into the leather of his glove. He was jealous, yet you did not know this. You were terrified of him, of his anger. Taking a step backwards. Kylo Ren manipulated the Force so that the door slammed shut behind you, cutting off your escape. He heard your yelp. His anger ebbed, though not by much.

“A simple task. Prepare my room.” He spoke slowly. It was _not_ your fault. You were preparing a room in the manner your fiancé used to like it. Swirl candy, _his_ favorite. The wine was your favorite; that Ren adored. He trailed his fingers along the hilt of his lightsaber as the memory played again in his head. He withdrew the lightsaber from his belt, twirling it expertly in his hand. “Come closer.”

You were visibly shaking as you stepped nearer to him. Kylo Ren closed his eyes behind his mask. He willed away his anger, though he normally welcomed it, how it brought him closer to the dark side in battle and fueled his power. He gestured to the candy with the hilt of his weapon. “Garbage.”

You started to comply, your voice reaching his ears: “Strawberry-flavored?” Your fiancé’s second favorite.

“No,” he growled out, and he watched as you hurriedly completed your task and left his quarters. Alone, he removed his helmet and sat on the edge of his bed. He had not disliked any of the candies you had brought when it came to taste. Kylo Ren seized his datapad after pouring himself a glass of wine. He brought up a recording, the only one he had.

_He was glowering at you as you fiddled with his datapad. “You scowl so much,” you huffed out. “One day one of us is going to die. Or both. But anyhow, don’t you want to have a recording of us together? Forget it. Don’t answer. **I** want to have at least one recording of us together.” You looked over your shoulder at him. “Do people have sex for things like this?”_

_“They do all sorts of things,” he said, his eyes darting from the datapad to you and back. “You should turn it off.”_

_“You know…one day you’re gonna regret not having sex with me on camera.” Kylo Ren quirked a single brow at you. You were leaning forward, hitting the ‘end’ button._

In a way, he did not regret it. Things would have been more excruciating had he watched the two of you having sex. It was enough, though, to see the way you smiled at him during the recording. How you had looked so…happy and content…being with him.

He consoled himself with the fact that you had never been a quitter.

_Commander (L/n) had his arms crossed over his chest. Stern, yet at the same time nervous around him. “It won’t do any good, her being…intimate with you like that again. She needs to be somewhere… She should be discharged from the First Order.”_

_“Supreme Leader wishes otherwise, and his orders are absolute.” Kylo Ren stared at your sleeping form. He could not be there when you awoke, when the doctors removed the IV and told you that you had needed an emergency appendectomy. It would help explain some of the loss of time you felt due to the training incident that would be fresh in your mind. Surgery, the drugs used for such things, could interfere with such things. In truth, your appendix had been perfectly healthy. Minimal scarring from where they had removed it. Your father had been less than thrilled. “Psychological evaluations will continue.”_

_“She should be discharged,” the man whispered once more, turning sharply on his heel and walking away._

_Kylo Ren ran a hand along your forehead. You had made him promise, once, to never allow your father to choose your career for you. You loved your father, knew he meant well, however he did not understand you…not the way Ren did. And Kylo Ren knew you would want to try again. You weren’t a quitter. If you had been, you would have asked him to kill you, or else taken the shot._

Kylo Ren was not one to quit either. He sipped the wine, closing his eyes. You had made the candies into the shape of a wine bottle. Either you truly did believe him to be an alcoholic, or you had developed into one. He picked up he bottle of wine and entered the refresher. You thought he was drinking the entire bottle, and on some level it made you happy. It made you feel accomplished. He wouldn’t take that away from you. Kylo Ren poured his second glass then tipped the bottle so that the liquid trickled past the rim and into the sink.

“Patience,” he murmured, recalling Supreme Leader’s words to him. You were a valuable asset to the First Order—beyond that, to Snoke. Your loyalty to his apprentice pleased him; in many ways, it made things run more smoothly. “She’ll relearn. Patience.”

His lips curled upwards. General Hux was none the bit thrilled that expensive bottles of wine were being used nightly. More were being ordered already; Kylo wondered if the same brand would be permitted, or if the General would change to a less costly substitute.


	2. Cherry

Cherry

Stormtroopers and officers alike stepped around you. Kylo Ren watched a few more do so as he made his way to where you were. General Hux was down the hallway within view. Ren dipped his chin when the ginger-haired man looked his way; the gesture was not lost the general, whose eyes slid down to you. Lying in the middle of the floor. A trip hazard. Likely to be stepped on and injured. Kylo Ren wondered briefly if it had been in poor taste to have you preparing his quarters. He pressed into your mind, gently, and held back a sigh at the fact that you so much as considered, even for a moment, bringing him flowers. Your mind shot out that you weren’t trying to romance him—oddly enough this sentiment calmed him. You had not started off romancing him the previous time. The two of you had been sexually drawn to one another. It was your post-coital conversations that eventually caused a sort of relationship to form between the two of you.

Kylo Ren paused in his steps when his feet were mere inches from your body. You were watching him in your peripheral; this was discernable enough in the way your eyes nearly darted twice to fully take him into view. General Hux approached from the other side when Kylo uttered the man’s name and title, however he stopped a little closer to your body. Both men noted that you did not so much as flinch before meeting one another’s gaze.

“The order has been altered—see to it that what was specified comes to pass.”

“The expenses are too high to proceed,” the redhead said, referring to the casement of wine Kylo Ren had earlier stated he desired. He felt his hands twitch. Undoubtedly, you would easily find a different brand of wine, and yet the meaning would be lost. Not that he would explain this to the general; it was no business of Hux’s.

They drew nearer to one another, their faces almost touching. General Hux and him eyed one another, waiting to see how you would react to the tension. Most officers were on edge when Kylo Ren was around, and their anxiety only seemed to increase if the pair of them were in a disagreement no matter how trivial.

Thus it was a generous reminder to Kylo that your mind worked differently. You were thinking of how it would be to prepare the general’s quarters instead. This, Ren noted, he would discuss with the redhead later to ensure the idea was not shot down if you became bold enough to present it. Ren felt himself tense up when your next train of thought occurred. Of the two of them kissing or else General Hux leaving with a bloodied nose should someone bump into either of them. Before Kylo received the chance, the man across from him broke away by swerving around and heading away, muttering out something regarding a task assigned by Supreme Leader Snoke. In other words, a notation would be made regarding you that you dealt well in the face of tension. This would please Kylo Ren’s Master, the Knight well knew.

He lowered his chin, dipping it towards his chest so that he could at last look at you in full. You blinked three times as you stared up at him in return. When first he had taken over as your handler, you had insisted upon sharing a room to, as you had put it, increase the chances of bonding. In truth you had been curious about his ash collection, and he had decided to humor you. You became immediately fond of sleeping on his floor, sometimes on a mat you brought.

Dismissing these memories, Kylo Ren turned on his heel and left. It would be best, he decided, to clear his mind before deciding how to proceed. Too soon and you would not welcome notions of your true skills.

.

.

.

When he entered his quarters, what caught his attention _first_ was the stool. He cocked his head to the side, his mind sorting through reasons you might have seen fit to bring him one. The next thing to capture his gaze was the tray of food. He chuckled to himself, sent a summons, and walked over to the stool. There he allowed himself to sit down. He rested his elbows on his knees, hunched forward and staring. Cheese and crackers. It was the closest to anything you had come. Following one of his missions in the past, he had returned to Starkiller to find your teeth chattering and a tray of cheese and crackers. The cheese had frostbite on it. You, to say the least, were not pleased.

Kylo Ren bit back a chuckle. Your presence on the other side of the door caused his mind to return to the here and now. He waved his hand dismissively, using the Force to cause the door to open. You stepped inside. He could sense you though he could not see you. His visor was pointed in the direction of the tray still, which was situated beside the wine and glass.

“You made TIE-fighters with the crackers…” You had once begged General Hux to allow you to fly a TIE. You had, naturally, been denied as you did not have the proper training. Kylo Ren turned his masked face to consider you. “I didn’t realize the First Order was put in place to raise artists.”

He watched as you raised a single hand, set into a fist, and lifted only your pinky finger. “Just being fancy, Sir.” He turned back towards the tray, smiling behind his mask. You walked to the edge of his bedside table, lifting up the pate knife while keeping your pinky finer raised as you dipped the knife into the cheese spread that was beside the chunks of cheese. You lathered one of the crackers with it then set it back down, plucked up a toothpick, and stabbed one of the cheese blocks. You lifted this, twirling it around, and then replaced it on the tray. You turned around, which prompted Kylo Ren to straighten a little.

He rose, stepped closer to you, and observed your every reaction to him. Kylo Ren lifted the speared cheese cube, his smile widening at the way your eyes widened. He gathered together the cheese cubes with the three toothpicks he would need, spearing the cubes. All he could think of was frostbitten cubes and you scrunching up your nose. He deposited the cubes into your hands. “Take these to the garbage then return.” That should give him ample time, he decided. You obeyed without question.

The moment the door closed, Kylo Ren picked up the pate knife and started to spread the cheese onto the crackers, working them together into a more cohesive piece. He was in no mood for cheese spread, however he could not resist the urge to mimic your artistic habits. You returned, your attention glued on the TIE-fighter. Kylo Ren poured himself a glass of wine, swirling it inside the cup as he said:

“Garbage.”

He observed your shoulders slumping. His gaze shifted back to the crackers. He _really_ was not in the mood for them. Yet you appeared to perk up almost immediately, determination in your eyes, and so he did not feel poorly for very long.

_Your teeth were clattering noisily when he stepped into his room. Kylo Ren lifted his hands, removing his helmet whilst refusing to take his eyes off of you. You were bundled under three blankets, all of which were drawn over your head. There was a tray of cheese and crackers on the bedside table. You wrinkled your nose when Kylo nudged one of the frozen bits of food. The area heater in his room had apparently malfunctioned. Why you were not in **your** quarters, he could not say._

_“Wasted food,” he muttered._

_“Because **you** never waste food,” you grumbled back, shuffling your feet back and forth as a means to create warmth. “You should sit with me, sir.”_

_“Casual sex,” he said as a friendly reminder. “No post-coital cuddling.”_

_“It’s cold. It doesn’t count. This isn’t for sentimental reasons. It’s for I’m fucking freezing reasons.”_

_Kylo Ren lifted one of the cubes, rolling it around between his fingers. It broke off in pieces until at last he allowed the inedible food to drop to the ground. The man stepped closer to the bed and kicked off his shoes. He unwound the blankets from you enough so that he could slip between them. You latched onto him without hesitation. He said nothing as you managed to work his cowl off of him entirely, wrapping it around yourself instead. In any other situation, it would have been too intimate a gesture. As it was, he knew you were trying to get warm. He could, after all, feel your cold feet through his socks._

_“How do you stay so warm?”_

_“I keep moving,” he drawled. You shot him a look, your eyes raking up and down his frame. It was true that he could spend much time lost in thought or in meditation. Keeping perfectly still. Kylo Ren sighed, moving his feet along yours to help warm them. “Why do you have cheese in my quarters?”_

_“Because you whine all the time when you find me here,” you muttered. His eyes whipped to your face to find that you were grinning at your own joke. “It was the easiest thing to grab. Didn’t realize it would freeze so quickly.”_

.

.

.

He had caught wind of the fact that you were questioning members of the _Finalizer_ in an attempt to discover what one would wish to have on their bed or pillow. A number of the answers he was privy to, while others he paid no heed. Kylo Ren could not deny that he was curious as to whether or not you would take any of the advice. He entered his quarters with caution.

He had not been expecting to be greeted with not only a bottle of wine, but also some lotion and tissue. He walked closer to his bedside table, finding the lip balm that was in a cylinder. What the kriff were you thinking? Kylo Ren located his datapad, quickly summoned you, and wracked his brain in an attempt to discover _why_ you would give him items clearly intended for masturbation. Although the lip balm threw him off. What purpose did _that_ hold?

While waiting for you, Kylo Ren unwound his cowl and set it away. His gaze darted to the pillow, on which you had made a smiley face with some of the tissue. At least, he thought, you had not deemed it fit to make the face winking at him.

You did not take long to arrive. You walked inside while visibly attempting to control your facial reactions. "Commander?” He lifted the bottle of lotion in one hand, extending his arm off to the side in offering to you. You stepped forward and seized the object. Kylo Ren then lifted the box of tissue, acting identically.

The Force user pinched the lip balm, holding it on its side with the top label displayed. He could sense your embarrassment, which was an appropriate response. You had, after all, given him very-cherry lip balm.

“That… That one’s mine,” you stuttered out. “I think I mixed the two. That’s my cheery; I’ll take it back.”

“Pray tell, what flavor you were intending to leave here?” he asked with a snicker. He could see you opening your mouth, though no words came out. Kylo Ren closed his hand around the cylinder of lip balm. You ducked your head and then flinched when he raised one of his hands. He grabbed first the tissue and then the lotion, placing them on the bedside table. “You may leave.” You had given him very-cherry lip balm yet did not know why. Had it been an honest mistake? Or did your self-conscious remember that you had been wearing that same brand and scent/flavor that first night you had gotten on your knees and taken his cock into your mouth?

“Do… Do you want a different lip—“

“No,” he said, attempting to keep his voice level as arousal stirred in him. The wine was on his bedside table. The lipbalm… “Your cherry is fine.”

You did not take long to leave. The moment you were gone, Kylo Ren removed his helmet. He brushed aside the tissue that was on his pillow, poured himself some wine, and took a sip. His eyes drifted closed. Kylo Ren twisted open the cylinder, dipping his pinky finger into the balm and then spreading it across his lips. The taste of it reminded him of you. Kylo Ren settled on his back on the bed, seizing one of his gloves between his teeth and pulling it off his hand. He filled his hand with the lotion then wrapped his fingers around his hardening cock after freeing it with his other hand. His wrist twisted with every stroke, his hips bucking up off the bed. Fuck, he was hard.

His tongue dipped out of his mouth, tracing along his lips. The taste there had him groaning, a growl rumbling through him. His hand started to move even faster before slowing. He pictured you straddling him, fucking yourself on him. “Fuck,” he breathed out heavily. Kylo Ren applied more of the lip balm when he had licked off the first coat. If anything, his lips were going to be _worse_ off than before. Yet he found that he could not have cared less. The mattress was squeaking as he bucked up into his hand. More lotion. Holding the cylinder of lip balm to his nose. Tasting another sip of the wine. “Fuck, yes…fuck!” Oh, how he wished he could pin you to his bed and fuck you hard—the way you liked it. The way that had that tight pussy wetting and clenching around him. A whimper erupted followed by a gasp. He teased his slit, the head of his cock. Began pumping himself again, the sounds of him masturbating echoing in the room.

After the two of you had become sexually active, you had taken to wearing the very-cherry lip balm because you _knew_ how hard it got him. He came _hard_ , your name on his tongue.


	3. Beautiful

Beautiful

Kylo Ren found that, due to his own reaction to the lip balm, he could not resist the urge to broach, in a more mild manner, the topic of sex with you. There were limited ways in which he could do so without raising an alarm. At the same time, he did not wish to sound crude. Knowing how your mind worked due to his history with you, the man knew exactly what needed to be said to set you on the right track. Kylo Ren was prepared, too, for failure on your part to immediately discern what it was he had requested. Thus when you had entered his quarters, the man had tilted his head to the side and uttered, “I require entertainment.”

You had stood there blinking at him for the better part of a minute before your brow furrowed. Kylo Ren had grinned behind the mask he wore, quite amused by the way you were attempting to deny the first thought that had sprung into your mind. Pornography. Holding back his laughter, he had raised a hand and given you a dismissive wave to send you on your way. You had been all too happy to leave, your mind racing. Kylo Ren pulled himself out of your head, albeit slowly so as to not startle you. He did attempt to respect your privacy in most cases, however given the current fragility of your psyche, he knew it was best to keep tabs on your internal reactions.

And now, after a tiring day of dealing with the menial tasks he was forced to endure while aboard the _Finalizer_ , Kylo Ren entered his quarters. There was a datacard on his bedside table. Nodding to himself, he withdrew his holopad from where he kept it. This he set upon his bed before moving into the refresher. Kylo Ren stripped out of his clothing, showered, and redressed in a fresh set of robes. He kept off his gloves, the helmet and cowl. Comfortable and relaxed, the Master of the Knights of Ren seized up the datacard, inserting it into his holopad a moment later. He hit the play button whilst lowering himself into a sitting position.

The moment the video started to play, however, he sighed to himself. It was so… _generic_. Thinking that a male would desire to see two females together. The Twi’lek and human were attractive, and yet the scene was failing to inspire an erection. Kylo Ren hit the pause button, stood once more, and tugged on the final layers of his attire. He sent a summons to you and crossed to the end of his bed after hitting _play_ again. He watched, bored as ever, as the pornographic video continued forth.

You entered his quarters with your head ducked. Kylo Ren gestured to the video that was playing—it was likely halfway through its entirety—and said: “There are two girls.” You nodded, and Kylo Ren smiled behind his mask. It seemed his assessment was correct. Perhaps, he thought, he could not fault you this time; that you were viewing him as a _man_ was a good enough sign. “A Twi’lek and a human…” The Twi’lek ran her tongue along the human’s folds. You were embarrassed to see such a thing, another trait he found endearing. “Garbage.”

“I… I actually have to return it, Commander Ren. I can’t throw it—“

Kylo held back a chuckle, waving his hand and using the Force to eject the chip from his holopad. Sometimes you took things so literally; he would have to remember that you could not always read his moods as you had in the past. “I do not wish to see two women like this.” He attempted to keep his voice level, to ensure that you did not feel threatened by him or his disappointment. You blinked several times, and Kylo Ren found himself wondering what you were thinking—yet he allowed you some privacy this time, as you did not seem in an ill mood. You took the datachip, nodded whilst still blinking, and took your leave.

.

.

.

Kylo Ren, having learned from the previous night, did not shower nor strip in any manner before popping the datacard into his holopad. The sight that met him caused him to draw to his full height. That was… _not_ the impression he had hoped to leave you with. The Force user waited patiently for you to answer his summons. When he sensed you drawing nearer, he lifted up the holopad. Behind his mask, he narrowed his eyes. He doubted you remembered, and yet…

“Pray tell, what gave you the impression that I would watch two men in this state?” he asked, shaking the holopad as you stood there. You ducked your head, your gaze glued to the sight of one man fucking another bareback.

“Sir, I… That one’s mine, Sir,” you said. He stared at you. That…was that correct? You had, after all, in the past asked him if he had ever considered pegging. Allowing you to take him. He had answered in the negative, furrowing his brow at that time. It was possible that this was your video. The dominant partner started to spank the other’s ass on the video.

“Yours?” he asked, suddenly unsure. It made sense in a way, and yet…

You bent your knees a little, losing some height as you spoke in a squeaky voice that quaked in fear: “N-no… I just… I just didn’t want you to think… Uhm… I’ll try again tomorrow?”

Kylo Ren mentally breathed a sigh of relief. The thought that you would be more adamant when it came to pegging faded. He removed the datacard, flicked his wrist, and ensured that the object only lightly hit you in the head. He turned and walked to his bed, listening as you exited.

_“Is it because you like being on top?” you asked after he said for a third time that he had no interest in pegging. “I’d be gentle!”_

_“Do not feel insecure…I would still fuck you if you were male.” He found you too endearing in a way. You smiled, relenting slightly. “But…yes…I prefer being the one inside of you.”_

_“Ugh. Fine. Though…if I **were** a guy… Would you ever let me **try** to—“_

_“Had you been male, I believe we would have experimented in that fashion. As it is, I have no interest in…toys.”_

_“…what if I used your lightsaber.” Kylo Ren found himself needing to lick his lips. “Maybe one day?”_

_“Perhaps…though highly unlikely.”_

.

.

.

“Why would you give me—“

“That was _not_ in the summary, Sir,” you said frantically, your eyes wide as saucers as you watched, with him, the scene play out. Kylo Ren had ensured to rewind the video when you entered his quarters. “Uhm… There was no mention of, uh… Of the female…peeing…in his…mouth… Er… But… But other than that… This is the coupling you want, correct, Sir?”

“You are inadequate at providing entertainment.” Kylo Ren could not remove his eyes from the video. Truth be told, he was _relieved_ that you had no interest in watersports. Not that the two of you hadn’t gotten _very_ drunk one time and partook in—but that was beside the point. This sort of play…

“Is the wine to your liking though? It’s a different flavor. We ran out of the old one, Sir.”

The change in subject came as a relief. He had already known that the wine flavor would eventually change, what with General Hux sticking to his _budget_. “It is…adequate.” He then sighed, removed the datacard to end the offensive scene, and pressed the object into your hand. “Do not disappoint me again.”

.

.

.

The next night he was pleasantly surprised at your choice in video. The man was running his tongue along the female’s entrance, prodding at her with the tip of toy, telling her how well she was doing. His mind instantly flashed to a memory, and Kylo Ren began to rub his cock through the layers of his clothing.

_“Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” you said. Kylo Ren shuddered, feeling your tongue trace along his rim. He knew you had his lightsaber in your grasp; he had been the one to hand it to you after you had managed to slip three lubed fingers into him. Why had he agreed to this, he wondered for the umpteenth time. And then you slid your finger into him, and he hissed in pleasure. Forget the why, his mind screamed. “Thank you so much.”_

_“Shit…just…hurry up…before I change—“_

_“Don’t change your mind!” you begged breathlessly. You set the edge of his lightsaber against him, prodding at him with the very tip of it. “Fuck…Damn…if I could record this—“_

_“Mm…” He could not believe how **hard** he was as his weapon was inserted into him. It was no wonder you loved it when he fucked you with it, when he thrust his lightsaber into you whilst his cock was buried in you as well. “Don’t be sloppy.”_

_“I won’t turn it on,” you whispered back, starting to pull back on the hilt then shifting it forward once more. Kylo rocked back into it, his cock starting to drip precum. “Fuck, you’re hot…Fuck…”_

_“Come…here…” he panted out. You relinquished your grip on his weapon, and he used the Force to manipulate it. Kylo Ren’s eyes were dilated as you straddled him, as you sank onto his cock. You both swore again, your mouths colliding and his fingers gripping your ass, pressing into you so that you were both so full._

He threw his head back as he came. The majority of the video he did not remember. It had been enough however. That memory… He threw the sullied tissues into the trash bin in the refresher.

.

.

.

He happened upon you the next day as you were changing his sheets. You froze when he entered his quarters, and Kylo Ren internally sighed. “A female masturbating.”

You seemed to perk up the slightest bit; he well knew why even without being in your mind—he was not often specific in his requests. You pulled a pillowcase over his pillow as you nodded. “With her fingers, a dildo, other random objects?” Having been reaching for his cowl, which he had earlier forgotten, Kylo Ren paused and looked your way. Other random objects…such as a lightsaber? “There are… Well, there are a few ways that—“

“No foreign objects.” He wondered what the female on the video would look like; what sort of woman did you see him fancying? Kylo Ren seized up his cowl, wound it around himself, and exited his quarters.

.

.

.

His cock was so hard the moment he saw—his hand was nearly a full fist around himself as he watched the video. As if he wouldn’t know you anywhere no matter what disguise you wore. As if he had not been picturing that sweet cunt for so long. Kylo Ren came almost immediately, his entire body shuddering and shaking in desperate want and need. How badly he wanted to bend you over and fuck you. Tell you how good you had done. Bury himself inside of you, make you scream his name.

You thought you were safe, believed yourself to be anonymous. Chuckling, he lifted his datapad. In the short time it would take you to arrive, the man quickly set about removing evidence of having already indulged himself. Kylo Ren rewound the video, pausing it at a choice scene. You entered his quarters, your eyes immediately drawn to his holopad. “This was filmed aboard the _Finalizer_ ,” he said smoothly. You blinked, acting as though this was news to you though he could sense it, your panic. “That is standard in all officers’ quarters.”

And now he would spare a truth. He had been expecting you to return to him, after having discovered this small fact earlier in the day. “I have been informed that they do not provide datachips of this sort of—“

“An old boyfriend gave it to me. It’s his ex. I… I figured… Sorry, Sir.” His lips curled into a grin behind his mask. An old boyfriend; how ironic.

“What is her name?”

He wondered if you were aware of the look of panic that crossed your features. “Cindy Liu.”

“I see.” You nodded. How adorable. “You moan loudly—did your neighbors not hear?” The look of sheer terror on your face. It had been a compliment. Perhaps, Ren thought, he should allow you an opening to escape. There was no need to push you over the edge; you were doing so well. “Tomorrow I would like food with the wine. You are dismissed, Cindy Liu.”

He watched as you slunk out of the room. Poor thing; not quite ready for him. There was a certain level of…shyness. He blamed this in part on Officer Keln. You were being dragged down when you should have been being built up.

So beautiful, he thought, turning back and staring at the video. Kylo Ren tapped _play_.

“I’ll make you feel good, Cindy Liu…” He smirked at the name. You were so adorable.


	4. Interesting

Interesting

He was being groomed to possess both the Dark side and the Light. Passion was not forbidden, though sentiment would be his undoing if he allowed it. Thus, with you, there had always been a certain understanding. Between the pair of you there was passion—occasional sentiment, and yet both of you were predispositioned to shy away from anything too in depth. In a way, he was feeling a form of sentiment. Or perhaps it was only ownership. He well knew your growing feelings towards the Lieutenant. Kylo Ren thought back to the video you had recorded for him.

There were times when your perception of reality was far different than that of your peers. It was why, once it had been discovered that you were a borderline sociopath, you were watched. Given a retainer of sorts. You had taken so well to him; the two of you respecting one another. Growing to develop a certain level of feelings even—something he would have denied himself with anyone else.

Even when you had realized that he knew _you_ were the subject in the video, you had only been embarrassed to a small degree. He had felt it though, the part of you that was fascinated and curious about him. Conflicted. Kylo Ren wondered if this was your past nudging at your subconscious. If there had been a trace of your history with him that he had not been able to alter.

Contrary to what General Hux believed, Kylo Ren could be plenty patient. With you, he had been as such. Yet he was not foolish enough to allow an opportunity to escape him, especially when you were also developing feelings for another. The Lieutenant… You had thought of Lieutenant Dopheld Mitaka in sexual settings. Had used him as a fantasy when masturbating. This Kylo Ren had managed to glean from small trespasses into your head. You felt a growing tenderness towards the man. This Kylo Ren could not fault you for; if he was to lose your affection, his current rival was suitable. Not one to drag you down. Supportive of you even when forced to admonish certain behaviors.

Which was why it would be prudent for him to act now. Test those boundaries, yet at the same time be aware of your reactions to everything. He did not wish to give you up; it was not, at least currently, a _necessity_.

When he entered his private quarters, Kylo Ren was in no way insulted that you had consulted with Lieutenant Mitaka when it came to making a sandwich. The food had been made to the officer’s liking, and yet that was due to the fact that you did not know what he—Kylo Ren—preferred. You were doing your damnedest to please him. He felt his lips quirk at the thought. If only you knew that your presence alone was a comfort. You had also seen it fit to place a soda and chips there for him. He ate one of the chips first, crunching down on it. An acceptable flavor, although he would have chosen differently.

As he ate the food, Kylo Ren felt his mind wandering. How best to approach you with the proposition? He doubted you would be completely comfortable, given that you currently did not remember any of your history with him. Not that you would likely _ever_ recall it. Still, your curiosity in regards to him remained.

You had been the one to first initiate anything sexual between the pair of you the previous time. The contact… Kylo Ren set down the final fourth of his sandwich, drained the remainder of the soda, and stood once more. He shifted over to the bedside table, touching the stormtrooper helmet he had previously placed upon it. A mask of sorts, something to make you feel more relaxed. The Force user poured himself a glass of wine, sipping on it as he placed in the summons.

When you entered his quarters, you appeared more at ease than your previous trips. He could feel the self-satisfaction rolling off of you as you noted that he had eaten what you had set out for him. Confusion, however, started to give way. Kylo Ren waved a hand from where he sat upon a stool, using the Force to close the door. You twisted so that you were facing him, immediately allowing your gaze to wander to the bed when he gestured towards it. You blinked at the sight of the stormtrooper helmet.

“If you want to hide your face,” he said. He waited for you to protest. No anger, though nervousness. Slight disappointment—Kylo Ren nearly flinched at this, almost ended his plans prematurely. Yet you shuffled over to the bed, that tiny bit of curiosity sparking. You lifted the helmet, slipped it over your head, and shifted nervously from one leg to the other.

A part of you was arguing that you had started this. Kylo Ren retreated from your head when he felt confident that you would speak up if anything became too overwhelming; that was in your nature. “Remove your shoes…and then you may lie on the bed if you find that to your liking.” He did what he could to keep his voice calm, to keep the tremor of excitement from showing. Do not scare her, he reminded himself. She doesn’t remember.

You kicked off your boots, lining them up beside one another on the ground. Behind his mask, Kylo Ren felt his lips twisting upward. You climbed up on top of the bed, lying atop the covers. He waited for a short amount of time, again gauging through your body language how nervous or comfortable you were.

“Through your clothing,” he suggested. It was prudent to give you every out, to take things slowly. He wished he could see your face, and yet he knew the helmet was doing its part.

You took a few seconds to simply breathe. Allowed your thoughts to wander, most likely. The fingers on your right hand twitched. Then your left. You drew a hand up your body, trailing it along your breasts. Down your sides. Up once more. Kylo Ren felt his Adam’s apple bob as he watched you caress one of your breasts with a hand, while the other hand was preoccupied with cupping your clothed pussy.

He had seen how you acted when aroused, and this was not it. You were very nervous, he noted. His thoughts wandered to the Lieutenant, to the sandwich he had eaten. “Take off your clothes. You can keep your bra and underwear on.” Again did he wait for you to protest, even with your body alone.

Instead you _shivered_. His words, his voice were having an effect on you. You sat up, shrugged out of your shirt and pants then gestured to your feet. Socks, he realized. “You may keep those as well…if you so wish.” You opted to keep on the socks, lying back down on his bed with only your underclothes covering your body. “Would you bend your knees and spread your legs?” he allowed his voice to portray the fact that this was indeed a question, just in case you thought you could not tell him _no_. It seemed to catch you off guard, caused you pause. Then, you obliged. Spreading those legs and bending your knees. Kylo Ren felt blood pooling into his loins.

He remained out of your head, knowing that you were still focused on relaxing yourself. There was no talking yourself out of it. A part of you _wanted_ this, wanted _him_. You traced your fingertips along your stomach, dipped three of those digits towards your cunt, and he licked his lips as you stroked your clit. You were getting wet; he could see your panties growing damp.

Kylo Ren pressed a hand against his growing erection. Stars, he was growing so hard. He palmed himself, his eyes glued to the way you traced a line along your inner thigh. Then he froze, noticing that you were watching him. At some point you had lifted your head. And so he raised a hand, using the Force to pin your shoulders more firmly against the bed and thus prevent you from seeing him. He could not allow that yet. _You_ had been the one to initiate contact—had flirted with him the first time you had caught sight of his cock. You allowed your head to fall back, and Kylo Ren stopped using the Force.

_“Wow…” You cocked your head to the side whilst giving him a thumb’s up. Kylo Ren scowled behind his mask, angling his body so that he could finish using the toilet. You had quite an issue when it came to boundaries sometimes. “Er… I thought you were showering. I have to pee… You almost done?” He opted to not say anything, fixing his pants and flushing the toilet. You were already shimmying out of your pants and underwear before he made it to the door. Sighing in relief as you began to urinate._

A sigh slipped past your lips even now, though this one was of pleasure rather than relief. Your fingers were working your clit through your panties while you used your other hand to grope your chest. Kylo Ren pressed harder against his cock, feeling it fully hardening. You reached down between your legs further and shoved aside the material of your panties. He felt his breath hitch at the sight of your pussy. You coated three fingers in your juices, dragging up that wetness to your clitoris. You were starting to rock into your own touch.

Kylo Ren was thankful that his training allowed him to learn self-control, else he would have fucked you right there. He pulled open his pants and gripped his cock. The moment you slipped a finger inside yourself, he began pumping himself hard. A second finger. A third. Fucking yourself so fast, perhaps not realizing that you were meeting his pace. You then removed those fingers and started to tease your clitoris again.

“Get on your hands and knees,” he said, grateful to his vocoder for keeping his voice more neutral than it truly was. He could feel it, that his breathing was labored. Without hesitation, you obeyed and rolled onto your stomach before slipping up onto your hands and knees. “Pleasure yourself again from this position.” Once more, no hesitation. You reached down between your legs.

He paused in masturbating to the sight of you touching yourself for the purpose of standing. He walked over to you, removing his lightsaber from his belt and slipping the metal against your hand. You wrapped your hand around the hilt without bothering to look his way; you likely believed he would not allow you to do so, which was true. “Wh-what?”

“Use this,” he said, eyeing the way you were holding onto the saber. You ran your thumb over the tip of it. No doubt you were attempting to figure out what exactly he was having you fuck yourself with. It was thick, he had to admit—and yet you had been able to take it in the past. Not to mention that you were still active when it came to masturbating, and there were times when you were anything but gentle.

You spread your legs wider as you positioned the saber at your entrance. When you shivered and smeared it with your juices, Kylo Ren again found himself tempted to take you. You slowly started to slide his weapon up into you, whimpering at the feel of it. Your body took it so well, and the man began pumping his cock anew. You started to withdraw his saber then pushed it back in. He held in a groan. Kylo Ren caught your hand, shoving it up further when your fingers hit over the activation button. “Careful,” he warned. There was a low noise you released in your throat. Perhaps it had been intended to be one of agreement; instead, he heard your pleasure. You were enjoying this.

Kylo Ren did not release the saber, holding it as you rocked your hips, fucking yourself on it while toying with your clit. He did not stop pleasuring himself either. You moaned wantonly, and he knew you were close. He imagined how it would feel to be inside of you, and mentally swore as he ejaculated. His cum hit your legs and ass. He groaned as he came, and you gasped, cumming as well. Kylo Ren removed the hilt of the saber from you, quickly readjusting himself before you had time to look his way. He then reached past you, grabbing tissue from the box on the bedside table. It was then that you turned your head. He could feel you watching him as he cleaned the hilt.

Your face likely paled as you realized what had been inside of you; he could feel your shock. Hmm, he thought. Not the enthusiasm from the past. Then cringed, your eyes dropping to the button you had nearly hit.

“Redress.” You needed to leave. This was not how he remembered it. Not shyness. Almost—regret. A part of you was regretting what you had done with him. You felt _trashy_. Kylo Ren placed the sullied tissues on the plate that held the remainder of his food, grabbed up more, and finished cleaning his saber. You were fully dressed, the helmet off and your shoes on, when he turned to face you. “Garbage,” Ren said, indicating the plate.

You nodded slowly, grabbed the plate with robotic-like movements, and left his quarters.

The moment he was alone, Kylo Ren removed his helmet and allowed it to drop to the floor. He tossed aside the hilt of his weapon. You had seemed to be enjoying it, though at first you had been hesitant. And now— _regret_?

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.

.

Kylo Ren inwardly fumed as he heard the news; that you had thrown yourself away, had convinced the lieutenant to go down the chute with you, after your time with him. You had _regretted_ it. And thus you had been evaluated by a psych tech once more. Your father had also been contacted. A nuisance in Ren’s eyes. What intrigued Kylo Ren was the note in your file. 

_(L/n) believes her superiors to be heterosexual, and she wonders about this while watching them argue because such aggression is thought to stem from high testosterone levels. This displays that she is sexually aware of those around her, which is an improvement over her previous avoidance of such topics._

And yet you regretted true sexual contact.

Perhaps if it had not been his weapon?

Kylo Ren entered his quarters as these thoughts circulated in his head. You were eating a candy bar and appeared to be finished in your task of straightening things when he entered. You glanced over your shoulder; this he could sense though he could not see it. Kylo Ren lowered himself onto his stool, his shoulders slouched.

“Sir, would you feel better if you threw me in the garbage chute?” Your voice was calm. You were _comfortable_ with him. Kylo Ren slowly turned his helmeted head in your direction. “I’m not allowed to throw myself away anymore. General Hux does not approve. But, if you want… Well, if _you_ threw me away, I’m sure it’d help both of us. I prefer feet first, although I’ve gone head first down the chute a few times.”

So nonchalant. Relaxed. Seeking to comfort him? Or was it more a selfish move? You had stated it would cheer _you_ up. “You want me…to treat you like garbage?” You shrugged then nodded. “You have abnormal predilections.” You had brought the lieutenant with you down the chute. It was a comfort mechanism. Now you were inviting _him_ to join you in a way.

Kylo Ren stood, exited his quarters and listened to ensure that you followed after him. You did, naturally. He pressed a single finger against the button that opened the nearest garbage chute. You walked over until you were next to him. Kylo Ren placed a hand on your back, directly between your shoulder blades, and urged you closer to himself. You did not fight him. He slipped his arms underneath your armpits and lifted you with ease, slipping you into the opening of the chute. You dangled there, patient as ever though eager as well.

“When is the compactor set to run?” General Hux had said that you knew the schedule.

A moment’s pause before: “Forty-five minutes, give or take forty minutes. What time is it?”

“(L-L/n)!” Kylo Ren turned to regard the lieutenant, an action that in itself would have caused no harm. You, however, also turned, and thus slipped out of the man’s grasp. Kylo Ren whipped his head back in the direction of the chute, balling his hands into fists.

“When is the compactor set to run?” Kylo Ren asked once more, this time addressing the question to the lieutenant. The man gulped in response, and the Force user stormed down the hall. Luckily, he knew the quickest route to the compactor.

When he was close, he could hear the compactor beginning to operate. Gritting his teeth, Kylo Ren outstretched a hand and felt sweat gathering on his brow as he used the Force to keep the walls apart. A mess, he thought. The lieutenant would know to have them shut off the compactor. Yet how long would it take? The moment the damned compactor was shut off, the door was also opened.

You, covered in garbage, climbed up out of the compactor. Kylo Ren did not see the appeal of diving down a garbage chute. “Well, that would have been a bloody mess. No cleaning up though; I was in the garbage already.”

It was just his luck that you spoke these words as the lieutenant and a few other officers came rushing up. Insistences that you weren’t trash. A visit to the psych tech—and he was dragged along.

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.

.

Apparently you did not regret what you had done with him as much as he had originally feared. Kylo Ren had requested a few items to be brought to his quarters, and yet you were too busy lying on his floor between the bed and stool. You stared up at the ceiling, and he opened the wine bottle before pausing. That was right—a glass was one of the items you had been ordered to bring. Kylo Ren swirled the liquid within the bottle and watched the mini tornado that formed. There was no need to make you uncomfortable.

“Daily visits with the psychologist,” you said with a heavy sigh. You rolled onto your right side, then your left, onto your stomach, and once more on your back. Kylo Ren stepped over you, sat on the stool, and stared down at you as he swirled the wine for a second time. Sometimes you could be dramatic—a fact he appreciated in a way. “And my father’s going to be contacted.” He frowned behind his mask at that.

“Survivor’s guilt?” In a way, he was relieved the term had been brought up during the session with the psych tech. He could at last broach the subject with you. You rolled your eyes and began to explain the incident with the droid, your view on the ordeal and your own behavior following it all. It bothered you—it would have bothered you _more_ had you remembered the entire truth—and yet you were adjusting. “I see.”

As he said this, Ren lowered the wine bottle to a level that you were able to reach for it. You grasped it, sat up, and placed your lips over the opening. You took a rather generous swig. A second. A third. More after that. The psych tech had advised against it, fearing that you would not be able to control yourself. But Kylo Ren would not allow you to be alone.

“I can see why you’re an alcoholic,” you slurred when the bottle was halfway empty. Thankfully, some of it had not made it to your mouth. Kylo Ren tilted his head to the side. That confirmed his suspicions. You _did_ believe he was drinking the bottle every night. You set the rim against the mouthpiece of his mask. “It’s good. “Glug, glug, glug,” you slurred, making drinking noises as you poured a little against his mask, down the front of him.

“You’re funny,” he said stoically. In truth, he was not certain how to feel about this, about you. You were growing more and more fond of the lieutenant, and yet… You weren’t shying away from him. You giggled in response to his words, placed your mouth around the entire opening of the bottle, and began drinking again. Kylo Ren’s hand shot forward pulling the bottle out of your grasp. You were being too careless, too reckless. “An artist, a depressive, and a lightweight.” You had always been unable to consume as much alcohol as him before becoming drunk. But this? You had obviously been sober for some time.

“And a porn star,” you said, spreading your arms out in a look-at-me fashion. “You’re speaking to Cindy Liu here.”

“The officer that had been next to you during the incident—you think about him often.” He could not allow himself to be distracted by anything endearing you may do or say. He had been ordered to begin prodding. You were to become useful to the First Order in _that_ capacity once more. It was what you had wanted as well.

“He was Keln’s younger brother. Officer Keln thinks I should have been killed instead. I’m just trash, he says.” Kylo Ren felt rage bubbling within him. “Riding on daddy’s coattails.” You blinked, drunkenly lifting a hand and pointing to the saber that was on his hip. “I rode that, y’know.”

“Yes.” Spoken plainly. He was unsure how this would go.

“Almost impaled myself on it.”

“The blade would have come out the other side.”

“Oh… So I almost castrated you.” Matter-of-fact. This is something he remembered from the past, whenever you _did_ get drunk.

“Yes.”

“Well… Sorry about that.” You pushed yourself up into a wobbly standing position, and he had to remind himself to not direct you straight to the bed. Kylo Ren watched you, readying an excuse to keep you there. “Do you want me to get the other items still?” He shook his head. “Oh… Okay. Uhm…thanks for throwing me away. It was nice.” Such odd preferences, he thought.

“Do you plan on lying in the middle of the floor again?” You shrugged in response to his question, and Kylo Ren gestured towards a corner of his room. “You may stay there. The stormtroopers and officers complained about a trip hazard.”

“Yup… That would be me,” you grumbled out. You dragged your feet as you headed over to the spot he had indicated. Kylo Ren reached into his robe and pulled out the soft material that he then placed into your hand after you laid on your back. You looked down at the material. “A blindfold?”

“Yes.” With a sigh, you tied the cloth around your eyes. Kylo Ren removed his helmet once he was certain the blindfold was secure. His eyes roamed along your body, and you blindly stared in his direction. Lifting the bottle to his lips, he sipped some of the wine. You were not allowed to see his face just yet. Perhaps soon—but not quite yet. First this test. To see how you did when you spent the night.

The man walked over to the bed, set the wine down on the bedside table, and climbed under his covers. He lifted up one of his spare pillows and tossed it carelessly in your direction. You let out an _oomph_ , followed by a second one as the blanket left his hand and hit into you.

“St…stop throwing things at me, please, sir.”

He felt air leaving him, his shoulders relaxing. This was how it was supposed to be. You were allowed to say no—and you _did_ seem to know this. Still…

“You asked me to treat you like garbage,” he said plainly.

“No,” you shot back. “I asked you to throw me away, sir. There’s a difference.”

_“You want me…to treat you like garbage?” You shrugged then nodded. “You have abnormal predilections.”_

You remembered it differently. A moment of skewed perception. You wanted him to be _nice_ to you.

“…interesting.”


	5. Self-Control

Self-Control

“Sir?” The soft voice roused in him the middle of the night, and Kylo Ren found himself grunting in response. “Are you awake, Commander Ren?” He could not stop the sigh before it left him. _Commander Ren_. He enjoyed the way you said it, his name. Ren rolled onto his side so that he could better look at you. You were sitting up, fidgeting. “Uhm… Can I take off the blindfold long enough to go to the bathroom?” He recalled Supreme Leader’s words, the advice to wait to show his face until he was certain that you would be comfortable enough around him. There was no need to cause you to be uneasy.

Kylo Ren drew his covers over his head, listening to your every movement. He could hear cloth shifting and you rising. Another sigh escaped him, this one soft. Having you sleeping in the corner of his room reminded him greatly of when you had forced your way further into his life. Coming into his bedroom, insisting that it would nurture a better working relationship. It had, of course; although more had developed between the two of you. He could hear you returning to the bedroom and climbing back onto the makeshift bed. Another shifting of cloth—you replacing the blindfold.

He removed the covers from his head and stared in your direction again. Your breathing was level, calm. You were comfortable in his quarters even with him there. He willed his mind to clear so that he could listen in on your thoughts, your dreams. The familiarity of your mind allowed him to relax as well. You were dreaming about him. At least…how your subconscious was picturing him at the time. An old man. He nearly scoffed, almost laughed, and yet held his silence so as to not awaken you again. If you roused in the least, there was a high chance that you would become aware that you were not alone in your mind. If, in half-consciousness, you started to fight him, to resist—well, he would not allow it to become painful for you.

The old man that was intended to be him had you. You were naked, writhing underneath the body of this…rendition of him. Kylo shifted his leg and knit his brow when he heard you release a moan in your sleep. It was echoed in your mind, your dream, and that echo caused him to experience minor vertigo. He heard you murmuring then. Kylo Ren withdrew from your mind in order to listen. It was not often that you spoke in your sleep however it did occur. It was another reason you were given to a handler; to ensure that no information was ever divulged to parties who were not supposed to get it. In most circumstances, had you been anyone else, you would not have been granted the position Supreme Leader wanted you to fill once more.

He eventually drifted off, alternating between connecting his mind with yours and pulling away in waves. He listened in on your dreams without realizing it at times. That is, until he awoke in the morning and went to reach out to read your thoughts—only to discover that he was already there, seeing your dream.

Ren quietly moved into the refresher, readying himself for the day and ensuring that his helmet was covering his head before crouching down before you. There he slipped the blindfold off of your face. He paused to stare at your slumbering form. It was so easy to remember the days of the past, back when you had begged him to sleep on the floor.

You started to stir, opening your eyes. You narrowed them, no doubt surprised or at least taken off-guard that the blindfold had been removed. Kylo Ren remained squatting there and tilted his head to the side as you pressed closer to the wall and eyed him warily. You were unsure how to feel, no doubt wondering how long he had been watching you for. You sat up and rubbed under your eyes with a single hand.

“G-good morning, sir.” Your voice was a little hoarse from you having just awoken. Kylo Ren held back a sigh; a part of him missed being able to hear you like this.

The Force user stood to his full height without moving his eyes away from you. He eased towards the right. “You talk in your sleep,” he said dispassionately. He wanted to ensure that you did not think him a pervert of any sort. You winced and began to mutter out what he took to be the beginnings of an apology. “When I looked into your mind, you were dreaming that you were a tauntaun being cut open.”

It was not the first time you had had such a bizarre dream. A tauntaun that did not die despite being cut open. He preferred your dreams over his own; they were less violent in many respects. Or, when they did hold some violence, there was always less blood. No guilt—you did not dream of the deeds he was forced to carry out on the path of bettering the universe.

“Animal-shaped crackers,” he said when you did not move at all. Kylo Ren removed his gaze from you and strode out of his quarters. He was well aware that you would not begin to fully rise from the makeshift bed until you were alone. Though a small part of you still enjoyed his company, overall you were nervous near him—unsure. Of this he would speak with Supreme Leader. Kylo Ren was under the impression that you seeing his face might do more good than harm at this point. All the same, he would need to receive his Master’s permission. Compromising your progress would not be welcomed by his Master. He was not to let his personal feelings interfere with orders.

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_“Proceed with your plans,” Supreme Leader had said when the Master of the Knights of Ren had finished reporting to his Master. “Her interactions with the lieutenant should also be explored. Remember that her occupation supercedes your…affection…for her. Should it prove that a relationship with the lieutenant be preferable, you will allow for this.”_

_“Yes…Master.” Kylo Ren had said, though his mind protested the words. He would not disobey his Master outright—he would explore your affections for the lieutenant. Ultimately he did wish for your happiness, however that did not mean he would give up on you. He had promised that he would wait for you, and he was not going to break that promise due to something as trivial as a rival._

Kylo Ren could sense your presence as he drew closer to his quarters. He reached out with his mind, touching yours. So familiar to him, so open. You had placed an extra pillow, blanket and mat underneath his bed for yourself. The man felt a swirling sensation settle in his stomach. What was this? It ran deeper than ever before—hope.

The door opened when he applied use of the Force. “Hello, Sir,” you chirped while finishing your task of preparing his room. There was a bowl of animal shaped crackers on his bedside table along with some wine and a bottle of water. You wished to keep him hydrated…

You started to move to leave, and Kylo Ren raised a single arm, catching you. Your feet stilled, and you looked up at him. “Stay.” Ren gestured towards the animal shaped crackers on his bedside table. “You can have the frosted ones.” He knew from your history with him that you enjoyed both kinds. He, meanwhile, preferred those without frosting.

While you sorted through your mixed emotions—these he could see on your face—he started to reach up, and at long last he removed his helmet while you were in his presence. His back was to you when he lifted it off his head. Kylo Ren could feel your eyes roaming over his hair. Pursing his lips and exhaling, the man waited half a moment before turning around. Your eyes were wide as you stared at him, and your jaw had dropped. Kylo Ren furrowed his brow and pressed his lips together—you were attracted to his appearance even now, though it was different than what you had expected.

“You may sit on the bed,” he said, reaching for the bowl and lifting it. You walked to the piece of furniture and slipped down into a sitting position directly on the edge. Kylo Ren drew two of the frosted crackers out of the bowl and offered them to you. You accepted immediately, holding the tauntaun-shaped cracker in one hand and the nerf-shaped one in the other.

You set the feet of the two on either of your knees, making a growling noise in the back of your throat. Kylo Ren stopped watching your reflection in the bottle of water, and instead turned to face you. He watched you, dismayed when you slumped your shoulders and began to instead make the noises in your head. He knew you were doing this by your expressions and the way you made your crackers move.

Kylo Ren reached forward and seized the top of the nerf-shaped cracker between his forefinger and thumb. Bending his wrist, he noisily snapped off the head. Your mouth dropped open and you complained, “You… You killed my nerf!” 

He held back the amused smile that threatened to form, and set the broken head onto your knee. Kylo then drew out one of plain crackers for himself and took a bite. “It’s a cracker. The nerf could not die,” he said. He wanted to be more playful, however knew that this would put you on edge. Instead, he took a seat beside you, enduring the disappointment that welled up inside as you brought your limbs closer to yourself. You lifted the piece he had broken off of your cracker and ate it. While you chewed, you again made the crackers interact with one another. “The sex dream you had last night wherein I was an old man… What is your impression now?”

You blinked and did not answer him. No doubt you were instead attempting to figure out how long he had been in your head. Perhaps trying to remember everything you had dreamed about; he could not say for certain, as he was remaining out of your head.

“You kept muttering about a ‘helmet guy’ while you were sleeping,” he said at last as the silence continued. In his peripheral, Kylo Ren could see you look towards him, his face. He took another small bite off the cracker in his hand. A change of subject would be wise, he decided. “In the past, those assigned to preparing my quarters used droids to assist them. You have been doing everything by hand.”

“Is… Is that why you requested that I be the one to keep doing it?”

Though he did not enjoy lying to you, he could not very well reveal the truth. “Yes. And I was interested to see what you would bring next.” That portion was not false. “Do not disappoint me tomorrow night.”

“What do you want tomorrow night?” He could not help but smirk at that. Ah, if he could be so open—he wanted _you_. And yet he knew better than to say so. His expression dropped into something more neutral.

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The psychologist had been informed of your psychological profile, that you were unaware of it. He had not, however, been told of your history, your previous occupation within the First Order. It was best this way. He would not accidentally slip with a question in regards to your past, the one that had been erased from your memory. Kylo Ren cared little about your visits to the psychologist. That you went to Lieutenant Mitaka following your sessions, however, never sat well with him.

Supreme Leader Snoke’s words ran through his head. Even before they had been said, Kylo Ren would not have harmed the lieutenant, knowing that ultimately he would be hurting you. The thought of stepping aside for the man, however…

His hands curled into fists.

_You sat behind him on his bed. Your hands were working out the knots in his shoulders, and though he would not admit it, Kylo Ren had found himself growing more than a little fond of your post-mission massages. “If I die… You’d find someone else, right?” you asked. He could hear the way you swallowed hard. The way your hands trembled for but a moment against him._

_“Do you wish otherwise?”_

_“No. No… I don’t want you to be alone.”_

_“I am not alone.”_

_“Er… I mean… Like this… A bit more…intimate?” He grunted at that. A moment later, he asked about you: how would you cope with his death? You were rather quiet, and your hands stilled completely. They slipped off him. He could hear the moment they landed in your lap. “I don’t want you to die.” Kylo Ren twisted his torso, and he felt his breath still. You were crying._

_“I am your handler,” he said softly, gently. His eyes roamed your tear-streaked face. “Should our physical interactions prove to interfere with your judgment or loyalty—“_

_“I’m not allowed to care about you?” Your voice was so soft, barely a whisper. He felt something sinking in his stomach. Supreme Leader would not be pleased. That you cared about him would be no issue; it was the other side of the coin that would so displease his Master. Ren’s feelings would not be allowed, would be frowned upon. He averted his gaze. “Fine… If you left me… If… I’d find someone else.” You rose from his bed and left his quarters. Kylo Ren stared at the closed door, listening to the pulsing of his blood, his heartbeat in his ears._

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This time he did not hesitate to remove his helmet as he entered his quarters. You glanced his way, surveying him. Kylo Ren stared at you, finding himself frowning. He knew—he knew you had been with the lieutenant earlier. And now you were staring at him. Not that you knew, you did not remember. He did what he could to remind himself of this, and yet his frustration would not ebb. Even as you turned away to resume your task.

“Garbage.” You frowned immediately when he spoke that single word. Your eyes darted to him—no, to his lightsaber. He could not help but wonder why, and a small part of him wished he had been in your head seconds earlier.

“Could… Could you just try one, Sir?” In a way, he almost hated that you had asked…because he could not deny you.

Kylo Ren moved closer to you, to the bed, and pinched the wrapper between two fingers. He tugged either side apart from one another, the candy twisting as the wrapper unraveled around it. He then pinched the piece of candy and set it in front of his lips. He bit the candy in half and chewed a single time. Pausing, he slipped the other half into his mouth. You perked up. Conflict within him. Not that he disliked caramels, but more that his sour mood wanted to reject them. And yet you were so hopeful…

“Four pieces.” You scooped up all but the four. He waited, watching you. Waiting. You blinked when you turned around and found him watching you. “I thought you were an artist.” You looked at those four pieces once more, furrowed your brow, and began to arrange them. An awkward sort of smiling face, he realized. “Not quite fancy.”

“Well, apparently you prefer simple, sir,” you returned.

“It is adequate for tonight. Tomorrow bring entertainment.”

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“You brought…holochess,” he said, his eyes glued to the board.

You nodded, rather enthusiastically, he thought. “It’s pretty entertaining, Commander.” Behind his helmet, Kylo Ren rolled his eyes. “Uh… You weren’t wanting porn _again_ , were you?”

He would have preferred that, true. It was simply…he had never much cared for playing holochess with you. Because you sometimes cheated. Kylo Ren gestured towards the game. “Garbage.”

“Uh…but…” You shifted from one foot to the next. “I mean… I can bring more porn next time?”

“That is not the issue.” He did not want you to become too upset, lest you fall into a depressive episode. “The food is adequate for tonight. You may leave.”

He saw it though, that crestfallen expression as you took the holochess set out of his quarters and left for the night.

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Surveillance footage and personnel had you in an elevator. You had failed to report to the psychologist, had not prepared his room. The latter he did not care about. Instead, Kylo Ren’s mind was racing. You had indeed fallen into an episode of depression—was he the cause? Supreme Leader would have him leave if that were the case. Walking through the hallways, he found that said personnel were moving out of his way. His poor mood was easily on display via his fists and the way he was storming towards the elevator. Not that they wouldn’t be afraid regardless…

The doors opened, and there he found you. Curled up in a corner of the elevator. Asleep. You were asleep. Kylo Ren waited for the doors to close, moved nearer to you, and set his boot against your ankle. You were awakening, your eyes snapping open when he added a little more pressure. Your yelp caught him off guard; he had not meant to hurt you. Aware that he had to rein in his thoughts, his emotions, Kylo Ren took a moment to simply breathe. He set his boot, the one that had been on you, by its twin.

You were staring up at him, confused. The elevator stopped moving—he had not even realized that he had pressed a button, did not know what floor he was on…and yet he exited the lift as soon as the doors opened.

You had _yelped_. He had _hurt_ you. He could see the fear in your eyes afterwards. As though you expected him to hurt you more, perhaps even kill you.

A sickening thought: perhaps your father had been correct. There was a chance that he was no good for you. His presence as anything other than your handler would be in poor taste. He had to know for certain, though—if he could bear such a sight, of you with someone else. He knew well who you would ask if he requested such a video. The lieutenant. He did not want to see that man’s face.

And so he wrote down the order, furious and at the same time ill when he found you with the lieutenant as he delivered the note. He could see the flush on the lieutenant’s face. The guilty expression on yours. The two of you had been initiating such contact already. That was why he was only able to shove the note into your hand and leave without a word.

_No penetration; strictly oral. Facial. Angle that only you and the cock are visible._

He did not want to see Mitaka’s face. And yet he _had_ seen it. Would be able to picture it though he did not wish to.

_Do not allow your personal interests to interfere._

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Kylo Ren had his holopad ready on the bed when you arrived. He ordered you to close the door, to remain. You swallowed thickly, your pupils dilating as you obeyed. His next command was for you to undress; he wanted to see your body’s reaction to you watching the video of yourself with the lieutenant. Before obeying this order, you handed him the datacard of the video. This he slipped into the holopad while you undressed. When Kylo Ren instructed you to climb onto the bed, you once more did as told.

He had you kneel on the mattress, hands just in front of your knees. Kylo drew your hair over one shoulder. Then, after removing his helmet, placed his mouth near your neck on the other side. You were trembling as the video started. His gloved hands were on your sides, running up and down. Kylo Ren found that he could hardly watch the video. It _sickened_ and _enraged_ him to know you were with someone else—and yet aroused him, the way you were becoming so visibly aroused as you watched yourself.

On the video, Mitaka pulled back, out of your mouth, and ejaculated on your face. “You liked it,” he said, having dropped his hand to your cunt to feel how wet you had become. Kylo Ren raised that hand in front of your face, pinching his fingers and then spreading them apart to make your juices spiderweb between his digits. He turned his head, his eyes raking along your face. “Why were you on the elevator?”

You blinked, turned to face him, and asked, “Sir?”

“You failed to prepare my quarters as you had been assigned to do. Instead you were on the elevator—why?” He did not wish it to be because of him.

“I…don’t know. I was tired.” As you were responding to him, Kylo Ren removed the lightsaber from his hip and set it at your entrance. No protests, not even with your body—you did not pull away or flinch. Instead you gulped and spread your legs wider as he started to slide it up into you. He twisted the lightsaber hilt as he started to withdrew it, once more upon thrusting it up into you. Your mouth fell open, and your eyes became half-lidded as you stared at him. That hazy look of lust, of you trusting him _entirely_ with your body.

“You said you don’t want to be treated like garbage,” he said, dropping his eyes to watch the lightsaber disappearing into your body. Perhaps, he decided, he could endure knowing you had enjoyed your time with the lieutenant. Especially since you were meeting the thrusts of his lightsaber, fucking yourself on it. He felt himself starting to smirk, pleased. His mouth then opened when he realized how hard you were starting to pant. You were fully enjoying yourself. Kylo Ren angled the lightsaber, ensuring it would stroke your g-spot. “How about Cindy Liu?” He wanted you to be comfortable—and how lovely you shuddered at the question.

With his free hand, he reached forward to wind the video. You eagerly watched the images again, of Lieutenant Mitaka fucking your mouth and him cumming on your face. Kylo Ren removed his lightsaber from you, ignored your whimper, and used your shoulder to turn you onto your back. He used the Force to keep you pinned. The man undid the front of his pants, took out his cock, and stroked himself—fast, using the hand that was dampened by your juices. He grit his teeth, knew that they were bared to you as he masturbated. His eyes darted to the image on the holopad. You covered in cum— _not_ **his**!

He ejaculated on you, his semen splashing onto your thighs, his fingers then smearing his cum against you. “Finish yourself.” Without hesitation, you reached between your legs and stared directly as his face as you started to masturbate. He ran his tongue over his lips, and that was when you thrust two fingers into yourself and set the heel of your hand against your clit. You moaned loudly as your orgasm washed over you. He swallowed thickly, watching your eyelids fluttering, those orbs of your never leaving his face. “Do you know what you look like?”

“A…cumdumpster,” you said, and he could hear the beginnings of shame stirring within you.

“No.” He wanted that to be clear. “You look like you’re ready for me.” He shoved three fingers into you, and you gasped. Tears gathered in your eyes. No doubt your body was already sensitive after your previous orgasm. He curled and uncurled his fingers, working them at the pace he knew you enjoyed most. You moaned with abandon, your eyes wide and almost panicked filled—and so he set to work on your clit with his thumb. “Cum. Now.” You mewled, toes curling as your vaginal walls began to pulse, started to tug at his fingers as you came. “Were you informed that your father is making a visit to this vessel?” He needed to say something—anything—to keep himself from taking you right there. Perhaps he could have chosen a better topic, he decided when he saw the absolute panic in your eyes.

Kylo Ren removed his finger from your cunt and instead thrust them into your mouth when the first syllable left you. You whimpered then sucked on those digits without instruction. He began to slide them in and out of your orifice. “A quick visit,” he said. “I expect you to refrain from neglecting your duties despite this.”

You were silent for a moment, no doubt going over what this could mean, and perhaps also due to his fingers in your mouth. These he withdrew. “He can’t know—“

“I am not reckless—are you?”


	6. Comfortable Familiarity

Comfortable Familiarity

Kylo Ren stared without blinking at the display on the datapad; the message thereon informed him that Commander (L/n) had arrived. Your father was adamant that you had nothing to do with the Force user—even now there was a second message from the man himself, asking to meet with Ren. He well knew that the purpose of the meeting would be for the man to complain about Supreme Leader’s orders, Snoke’s plans for you. Kylo Ren was also aware of the fact that the man would not rest until he was met with. Thus it was with a frown that the dark-haired individual reached for his helmet.

Though he had time—the commander’s first move would be to meet with you, to gauge _your_ reactions and see how things were proceeding—the Force user found it prudent to consult General Hux. The First Order officer would be able to tell him exactly what amount of information had been given to your father. He wondered, albeit passively, how you were faring with meeting with your father. Though you did hold a certain amount of affection for the man, you had never hid the fact that you despised any semblance of preferential treatment, any quick promotions due to your father’s rank and position.

That was one thing Kylo Ren admired in you; and it was a characteristic that had, thankfully, not faded when he had been forced to alter your memory.

General Hux’s expression did not alter in the least as Ren strode closer to him. The redhead’s gaze darted towards the nearest officer, whom he instructed to call him if anything changed. He then began to walk through the door Kylo Ren had just entered. The Force user turned on his heel, following after the man. They walked into an unoccupied room, wherein the other faced Ren. A frown tugged at his lips, annoyance written on his countenance.

“He is pushing for her to be discharged then,” Kylo Ren stated, to which General Hux gave a single, sharp nod and clucked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “As if she wouldn’t be facing worse dangers in any sort of battle. Workplace accidents…”

“On this, I agree with you, Ren,” General Hux began, his brow furrowing as though he was shocked to be in agreement with the man. “My officers need not be coddled, no matter to _whom_ they are related. Commander (L/n) is becoming a problem. Supreme Leader is far from pleased.”

“I will not allow him to interfere.”

“So Supreme Leader has stated.” The First Order officer heaved a sigh, allowing himself a moment to fully display his frustration. “I will do my part in distracting the man so that you are able to continue your visits with her. I have already ensured that she remains preparing your quarters. All the same, prepare to meet with some resistance from the commander. I suspect you will seeing him?”

“Yes,” Kylo Ren stated simply. “And the file?”

“He has been given full access, unfortunately—though I did alter certain files before they were given to him. I have copies of both, which I will forward to you.” Once more did the general dip his chin in a sharp nod, and once more did he leave a room Ren had only recently entered. The Force user allowed this, waiting a few minutes longer before following suit.

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In the end, Kylo Ren decided it would be best to force Commander (L/n) to come to him. He would play as though he had visited with your father when he next encountered you, he noted, and yet would ensure your father had not way of construing Ren as being subservient to him or his whims. Such an impression would only increase the likelihood of him interfering further with your progress. If anything, Kylo Ren refused for you to be punished due to your father’s failure to comply; Supreme Leader had already hinted at such a thing being necessary.

 _Do not allow your personal interests to interfere._ It was a mantra, spoken by both Supreme Leader and General Hux. _Compassion is your weakness, Master of the Knights of Ren. Give her to another. Sentiment will be your downfall, and her death sentence._

He entered his quarters, and found that you were pulling a new pillowcase over his pillow. Kylo said nothing at first, opting instead to wait for the door to close and then he removed his helmet. It was at that point that his eyes at last darted to you, his brow furrowing as he spoke. “Commander (L/n) is acting in the capacity of your father, not of his position.” Why the man continued his fruitless endeavors, Kylo Ren could only somewhat understand. Love. He understood the word, and yet…

_You watched him; Kylo Ren could feel your eyes on him as he attempted to sleep. “Everyone always seems to construe love as being romantic. Sometimes, I think, it’s the familiarity…wanting that near you. To be comfortable. That’s how I feel, and there’s not another word for it.”_

_He hesitated, his breath escaping him in slow puffs, and then at last turned over to face you in full. “Are you becoming so sentimental?”_

_“I’m not saying that I **love** you, Ren,” you said, a full pout on display. “Just… Want to stay with you in the night. To be comfortable, and that means being near you.” It was sentimental, your words. And yet he did not again state this fact. There was something within him that whispered the truth: it was, indeed, more comfortable with you present._

He caught the end of your nod and sigh, drawn out of his reminisces of the past. “Yeah, it is sort of… awkward. He’s yelling at me as though he’s my father and not my superior. I mean, really, General Hux, or…or technically you could have punished me. Commander (L/n) should not have come here.”

Kylo Ren crossed the room to the stool and plopped down there, sitting and watching as you started to smooth the sheets. How right you were. This moment reminded him of the old you, the you he had been forced to alter, to destroy, when he erased your memories to preserve your life. This was familiar—comfortable.

“Did he… Uhm, did he say something to you?” Kylo Ren felt himself tensing up at the question, innocent as it was. He would be forced to lie—by omission only, he told himself.

“You…were engaged to be wed.” How well he remembered that moment, when your father had spoken with him. It had led to the very first time he had met you, the first time he had changed anything about you.

“But then enlisted to become an officer of the First Order instead,” you continued for him, nodding. His eyes wandered about your face. How much did you remember? _Which_ memory did you possess? Was it the truth? Or the lie he had implanted on that first day. “He cheated on me while I was going through basic training. I dumped his ass. Uhm… Was that all, Sir?”

Either you were avoiding the fact that you had later killed your fiancé, or you truly did not remember having done so. Kylo Ren well knew an innocuous method of discovering the truth here. Nothing that would do you harm.

“Your former fiancé met with an ‘unfortunate accident’ less than a month later.” You averted your gaze, and Kylo Ren felt his respirations slowing. A lack of guilt in your expression told him all he needed to know. You did not remember. He stood from his seat and walked closer to you. His eyes wandered about your body. Supreme Leader’s words again ran through his head. Kylo Ren was allowed to show you only so much kindness. “I will do much worse should you perform anything sexual without my consent.” He drew back, already loathing that you would begin to fear him again. That fear would eventually fade, he told himself; once you were in your previous position as Supreme Leader wanted, Kylo Ren could again be kind to you. “You’re dismissed.” By then, he was standing at the end of his bed, ready to collapse. Yet he would not in front of you.

He could not allow himself to be seen as weak in your eyes. A tyrant; a specter of your first handler. Someone who could bring out those feelings in you, those capabilities.

Without being in your mind, he could feel your confusion and frustration with him as you left his quarters. Kylo Ren looked in the direction of the door as it closed, sealing him inside the room—alone. The familiarity of your presence gone. Both of you left uncomfortable.

_“Test this attraction to the lieutenant,” Supreme Leader had instructed earlier when Kylo Ren had sought his guidance. “See if it will threaten her progression. **End** it if it does. However, Kylo Ren, do not think it wise to sever the relationship for your personal vendetta alone.”_

Sitting there, uncomfortable, the man was further discomforted by what he knew was required of him.

.

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.

Kylo Ren stood in the center of his quarters, his attention on the holopad that was resting atop his bed. He had earlier removed his cowl, however had return the helmet to his head due to the visitor he would shortly be receiving. You entered the room first, followed shortly thereafter by the lieutenant. Kylo Ren stepped closer to the bed and hit the button on his holopad to start the video, the one wherein Lieutenant Mitaka gave you a facial. The purpose, Kylo Ren reminded himself as he mentally distanced himself from the image of you with another man, was to test _both_ sides.

He gestured to the center of the room, and the two of you shifted over there. Tense, the both of you were unsure how to feel in his presence. The video that was playing only added to this discomfort—for all three of you. Kylo Ren stared at you as he circled both you and the lieutenant. He was filtering through the other man’s head, reading his emotions. “Undo your pants, lieutenant,” he said passively.

Kylo Ren came to a stop behind you. The lieutenant fumbled to obey the order that had been given to him. With a twitch of his hand, Ren had you on your knees and your hands behind your back. It was not fear coming from you, not exactly. Kylo Ren placed one of his gloved hands atop of your head and tilted it back. You peered at the lieutenant’s face as Kylo Ren uttered out the simple order: “Touch yourself.” He refused to look in the other man’s direction, though he could hear the man beginning to obey. Observing you this entire time, Kylo Ren saw clearly that you lowered your gaze to the lieutenant’s cock.

You licked your lips, shuddering as Kylo Ren trailed his fingertips along your cheek. “You’re comfortable with this.” He did not know why this gave him such comfort, that you being with another man did not cause you any unease. Then his mind supplied an answer: you were not uncomfortable performing sexual acts in _his_ presence.

Kylo Ren shifted his hand, moving it to the back of your head. He pressed lightly, urging you forward. “Lick,” he said, and you did not hesitate to obey. You flicked out your tongue against the head, causing the officer to release a shaky breath. Your eyes left his cock in favor of meeting his face whilst you repeated the action. The underside of your tongue caressed the man’s slit, and Ren entangled his fingers in your hair, yanking back so that the contact was broken.

You pulled your tongue back into your mouth, breathing heavily as you watched the man masturbate in front of you. Kylo Ren genuflected behind you, continuing to watch your face. You were panting as Lieutenant Mitaka’s cum hit your face—your tongue when you opened your mouth and closed your eyes. Your tongue was hanging out of your mouth, partway down your chin. Kylo Ren could feel his cock stirring at the sight of it.

“You may leave,” Kylo Ren rumbled, addressing the other man. Lieutenant Mitaka did not hesitate in tucking himself away, adjusting his pants, and shuffling out of the room. When the door closed behind the retreating officer, Kylo Ren cupped your left breast, pinching your nipple through your clothing and squeezing lightly. “Yes,” he said, releasing the pressure of the Force from you. Without missing a beat, you reached up to your face and dragged the semen that was there into your mouth, licking clean your finger before repeating the action.

Kylo Ren moved his hand, seizing your upper arm and lifting you to your feet. He led you to the bed, shoving you backwards so that you fell upon his mattress with your ass hanging halfway off the bed. He gave a simple wave of his hand, using the Force to tear your bottoms off your body. You wiggled a little as he unhooked the lightsaber from his belt. He set it against your folds, running it up and down twice, gathering up your juices, and then at last pressed the tip against your mouth.

A gurgle escaped you; you choked a little when he shoved the metal into your mouth, partway down your throat. Too deep, he thought, withdrawing his weapon. You swallowed, licked your lips, and openly moaned as he once more started to tease your clit. Twisting and swirling the metal so that it pleasured you with every swipe. You obediently opened your mouth, greedily sucking on his weapon when, for a second time, Kylo Ren pressed it to your lips.

He could hear his own breathing, becoming louder and louder the more he manipulated his weapon against you. The next time he moved the lightsaber down to your cunt, he began to work it inside of you. You moaned, spreading your legs with want and seizing your bottom lip between your teeth. Kylo Ren slowly worked his weapon in and out of you, then drawing it out and teasing your clitoris with light brushes You were panting, opening your mouth and moaning around the metal as it was placed into your mouth.

Drool trailed out of your mouth when next he removed his weapon. You slurped up this drool. “Mmm…fuck… Yeah,” you moaned as he slid the hilt into you again. Kylo Ren’s cock was hard, straining against his pants. It twitched when you started to rock your hips, meeting those frantic thrusts. He dropped his free hand to his pants, pawing at himself.

Your pupils dilated when you took in the sight of his bulge. Kylo Ren removed his saber, and you whimpered. He knew you were close. There was a look in your eye that told him so. You sucked on his saber, bobbing your head. All the while, your gaze was glued to the front of his pants. You _wanted_ him. Kylo Ren held back a shudder, worked open his pants, and relished in the way you spread your legs all the more for him. He chuckled, the sound rumbling through his vocoder. “So desperate…”

Kylo Ren tilted his head to the left as he shifted his weight onto his right leg. He set the lightsaber flush against your cunt. He wanted you as well—not yet, he reminded himself. “What would the Commander think?” Your embarrassment was all too clear on your face and with the way you shuddered at the very thought of your father discovering you like this. Kylo swiped the lightsaber upwards once more, teasing from your entrance to your clit. You ran your tongue along the length of the hilt when it was offered. He held you in place with the Force, not allowing you to take the metal into your mouth though you clearly wanted to.

He placed one hand on your thigh, massaging you. Squeezing and rubbing, all the while he shifted closer. You released a low whine, your eyes _begging_ him to fuck you. He did not oblige, opting instead to jerk himself. He pumped his cock, listening to your pleas. “Please! Please! Please!” Breathless. He chuckled, wanting to tell you that he would _love_ to fuck you—and yet he could not. Even this was going against what he had been instructed to do. His hand was pressing against you more tightly, his thumb digging into you as his arousal flared. You moaned out an _oh, yes!_ as his cum hit your pussy.

Kylo Ren lifted the lightsaber, which he hardly remembered having set on the bed. You gulped when he swiped along you once more, coating his weapon with his cum and your juices. Yet how eagerly you allowed him to feed you his cum. You licked it off his weapon, off your lips, moaning and sucking. Ren set aside the weapon as you swallowed down the last bit of his cum. He set his hand directly above your cunt. You closed your eyes. Kylo lifted his smallest finger and thumb, trailed the remaining three digits down, and twisted his wrist so that he could plunge those three fingers into you. You were so wet, his fingers slipped in easily. Drooling once more, you noisily sucked at the saliva.

He pumped his fingers into you, fast. You whimpered, no doubt in a mixture of pain and pleasure—that was how you liked it sometimes. You were not protesting, and so he knew you were enjoying it even now. The heel of his hand met your clit. He twisted his wrist as he started to withdraw his fingers, again as he drove them inside of you. Kylo Ren released your thigh and slipped his arm underneath your leg at the knee.

How easily he was able to turn you into an incoherent mess. He was able to drive his fingers deeply into you. You came, and Kylo Ren cupped his hand against your cunt, collecting your juices. He made you taste yourself—and how willingly you swallowed everything down, licking your lips for more.

You had always loved it, the way your heart would race when he pleasured you repeatedly. Remembering this, Kylo Ren tore his hand away from your face in favor of settling it between your legs. He pinched your clitoris, and tears began to fall down your cheeks. “S-s-sir, ple-please!” you screamed. He could feel it in your mind, the uncertainty. True panic. Kylo pulled back, allowing you a moment to calm yourself. He waited half a beat, listening to your thoughts. You wanted to touch him still.

“Remove your clothes,” he said, excitement filling him. You wanted him. His mind was in a state of ecstasy. You wanted him.

Once you had fully disrobed, Kylo Ren seized your wrists in either of his hands and pinned them on the sides of your head, which was situated on his pillow. He backed away, using the Force to keep you there. He spread your legs, bending them at the knees with your feet planted on the bed. The Force user felt his excitement mounting as he plunged his fingers into you again, fucking you. You were a panting mess, whimpering and sobbing with want and need. 

You wanted him!

He fed you your cum a second time, and you moaned as you swallowed down every bit he offered. Not protesting; your mind wondering why you were loving this so much—and yet there was no reluctance.

He began to drop his hand back to your pussy, ready for more. At last there was a whimper for him to stop. It coincided with the moment he felt it—and he froze, knowing your father was approaching. Kylo Ren turned his head in the direction of the door. Three seconds later, a knock echoed in the room. Dread filled you; he could feel this.

Kylo Ren adjusted himself, tucking himself in his pants and smoothing out his robes. He had released the Force that was keeping you down, allowing you time to hide yourself. With a flick of his wrist, your clothing disappeared underneath his bed. No evidence visible to your father; unless the man became too suspicious and questioned the lump that was your body underneath his bedcovers. It was as soon as you had the blankets over your head that Kylo Ren waved a hand, opening the door.

“Good evening, Ren,” Commander (L/n) drawled upon entering.

“Commander.” So passive, his voice level; Kylo Ren was thankful that the mask was hiding the flush in his cheeks from his previous activities.

“I’ve come to discuss my dau… to discuss Officer (L/n)’s current task of preparing your quarters.”

Inwardly, Kylo Ren chuckled at the man’s slip. Outwardly, without hesitation, he said, “Originally she was quite a disappointment.” Commander (L/n) released a strained sound, as though he wished to argue yet could not. “Others, meeting such failures, begged for a different position. She adapted. Learned from her mistakes… I wonder if her lack of ambition is temporary…or perhaps you have coddled her too much, and she has come to expect preferential treatment. Ensuring that she is given only the _highest rated_ of tasks.”

Commander (L/n), naturally, had no response to that. Kylo Ren wondered if his words upset you at all. The accusation that you were being coddled—in a way, his words were entirely truthful. Your father stood there for a few seconds longer, staring at the Force user with rage in his eyes. He wanted to argue, yet could not. So instead he turned and took his leave.

Kylo Ren crossed the room, pausing when you lowered the covers from off your head and stared at him. “Is that why you’re exaggerating your depression? Dragging on this charade that you’re some broken thing that cannot be handed tasks beyond something as simple as preparing my quarters… This is your out, the way your father is unable to use his position to better _yours_.” 

As he spoke those words, the thing running through his head was Snoke’s reminder that Kylo Ren’s purpose aboard the _Finalizer_ was to push you to the point that you could once more act in the capacity of an assassin.

“I am not ashamed of who my father is,” you said tersely as you slipped out from his covers and off his bed. You squatted and started to retrieve your clothing. Ren considered your words; you had never been ashamed of your father even when you had not agreed with the man’s decisions. 

Kylo Ren waved his hand, sending your clothes further out of your reach. “You have not been dismissed.” Anger welled up inside of you. His voice was irritating you; that it was modulated, that is. Ren removed his helmet, watching you with a cold gaze. “Nor were you given permission to redress.”

“I’m not into _rape_ , sir,” you hissed out. Kylo Ren felt himself tense, his lips parting as confusion filled him. You suddenly did not want him anymore. Were accusing him of outright forcing you to… You crossed your arms over your naked belly. “I… I don’t want to do anything more…right now… Please.”

The specification of _right now_ helped to ease his mind.

“The moment I release you, you will undoubtedly attempt to throw yourself down the nearest garbage chute… Or else out an airlock.” You sighed and offered up a shrug in response. He could feel your confusion overshadowing his own. His fingers twitched at his sides. He wanted to touch you—not sexually at the moment. “General Hux and Commander (L/n) would prove to be nuisances should that occur.”

Supreme Leader had made it clear that you could not become too confident with the way Kylo Ren treated you. Nothing preferential. A certain level of cruelty until he could be certain that you understood your own mind. Your previous habits needed to show themselves in full, not only during brief moments whilst you were speaking with a psychologist. He had to push you, which hurt him as much as you; it was a statement that so many spoke yet few could claim was truthful.

“So you plan to keep me here all night?” you shot. You were aware that you were acting insubordinately, and only a small part of you seemed to care. He knew better than to push you too far, to continue stoking that anger.

“You did bring a mat. Under the bed. Extra pillows and blankets.” His lips curled at the thought, his eyes darting to you when he walked along the length of the room, remaining near the walls. You scowled, yet still you dragged out those items and started to prepare a place for yourself for the night. You climbed onto the makeshift bed and laid there with your back to him. “The lieutenant…” He paused, his mind wandering back to your actions. Your feelings for the lieutenant were pure in that you cared for him. Sexual, yet not in a long-term sense. “You will not touch him again.” You whipped around the same moment Kylo Ren reached for his lightsaber, holding it. He stared at it, his mind again recalling the way you had touched Mitaka. He walked into the bathroom without another word and cleaned his weapon.

By the time he reentered the room, you were sound asleep. Kylo Ren deposited his lightsaber onto the nightstand and crossed the room to where you slept. He knelt down at your side and watched you. Your breathing was level. Your expression showing you were at peace. He leaned down, pressed his lips to your forehead, and gave you the lightest of kisses. Ren then stood, stripped down to his underclothes, and climbed into bed.

.

.

.

_A blaster was in your hands as you sobbed and directed the weapon at yourself. Ren had entered his quarters after speaking with Supreme Leader. His Master was wise. Snoke had told him that you needed to be fixed. Yet the shot rang out, your skull shattering, your head exploding—and all he could do was reach out for you, helpless. His powers weren’t working. Why weren’t they working?_

_He stared down at his hand, clenched into a fist. You were dead. All because he couldn’t—_

A thud roused him. Kylo Ren breathed heavily, blinking a few times as he realized it had been a dream. A nightmare that played on an old memory, the one of when he had had to erase your history with him. His eyes traveled to you. He had expected to find you asleep—no. A soft sigh from him, one you likely did not hear. He had thrown the stool. Kylo Ren was not surprised you were awake.

“Should… should I get you something, sir?” you asked as he continued to observe you. His heart fluttered. You genuinely wanted to assist him, to take away what you knew to be something…uncomfortable for him. You wished to help him, as though you still cared… He laid down, resting his head upon his pillow as he stared at you. Your eyes darted to his face. “I could…read you a story?”

“Do you believe me to be a child?” His mind was reeling. A story—what sort of tale would you even tell him?

“Well, no, but…” He could hear your sigh, see the way it caused your shoulders to rise then fall. “Goodnight, sir.” Kylo Ren could not tear his gaze away from you. Silence fell between the two of you once more. Unsurprisingly, you were the one to break it. “So… Once upon a time, there was a…uh…nerfherder.” You paused. Kylo Ren swallowed, the action quiet. His thoughts drifted to his childhood, and so he pulled back, thankful when you continued. “He had only three nerfs…the rest of his flock had perished due to a plague that had swept through his village. Being the only remaining person alive, he led his nerfs away in hopes of finding a more fertile land where they would not die. On the way he encountered a lonely maiden—“

“A love story?” he asked, snickering. He should have guessed.

“…no. Now: So he encountered a lonely maiden, who offered to feed him and his flock for a price. ‘Pirates took my father’s life, and I have vowed revenge upon them. Help me with my task, and you shall never want for more.’” Another pause on your part as you shot him a pointed look. “See? It’s _not_ a love story.”

“Simply a tale where an… _innocent_ ”—he could not hold back a scoff—“nerfherder resists the path to the Dark side.”

“How do you know what he does? You haven’t heard the story. And you know what? You won’t know. Be a grump, Commander. Goodnight.” You turned so that your back was to him, huffing and grumbling to yourself. Kylo Ren felt himself smiling, something that did not happen often. You were comfortable enough to tell him off. He watched you, finding himself…comfortable. More comfortable than he had been in quite some time.

_You snuck into his room after completing a mission. It was a shabby place; your mission had not been one of murder, yet instead to secure a trade so that parts could be purchased in order to fix the shuttle. Luck was poor, that the shuttle would malfunction and leave the pair of you stranded along with a small assortment of ‘troopers and officers on this planet. Kylo Ren found himself grunting as you slipped into his bed._

_“This is comfortable,” you said, snuggling ever closer. “I don’t want to be alone in a bed.” He said nothing; only observed you as you manipulated his arm into hooking around your waist. “Goodnight, Commander. Love you.”_

_“…what?”_

_“Not romantically,” you said quietly. His throat had gone dry since you had said those words. “I told you… There’s not alternative for it… To describe this comfort, this familiarity. It’s a closeness I don’t want to lose. In that way, I love you.”_

_“I…I see…” His heart hiccupped in his chest, and for some reason he felt almost…disappointed in your explanation. Of his own accord, he pressed closer to you, holding onto you more tightly. He waited until you were asleep before whispering, “I don’t want to lose you either.”_


	7. Tension

Tension

Kylo Ren awoke before you did. He was not surprised by this fact, though for some reason it did irritate him. He wanted you awake. Ah. He realized suddenly why this was. Kylo Ren was curious as to your mood towards him. Your reaction. He had expected you to be awake by the time he returned from conferring with Supreme Leader. There was a mission he was to be sent on. As far as you went—some time away from you could stir within you a spark of progress. That was what Supreme Leader believed. On the way back to his quarters, Kylo Ren had instructed a droid to bring clothing for you.

The thing arrived, delivered those clothes, and left. You still did not stir. With a huff, the Force user began to pace the room. He wanted you awake before he was forced to leave on his mission. Not even his footfalls, however, did much to rouse you. Kylo shifted around his pillows, his blankets. He wound up making and then unmaking his bed twice; all the while he did what he could to be loud about it. Nothing.

He set his lightsaber upon the bedside table. He entered the bathroom, closed the door, and ran the water the entire time he urinated. Kylo Ren next flushed the toilet, rinsed his hands, and exited the bathroom. He slammed the door upon reentering his room. He grabbed his helmet from off the floor, and finally Ren walked over to you, inwardly pleased. “You’re awake,” he said whilst peering down at your face.

Your eyes wandered along his face. Next your attention was drawn to the helmet, which he drummed his fingers against. “Do you need something, Commander Ren?” He held back a chuckle at your sickeningly-sweet voice. It was forced. Being that you did not know he was aware of a number of your antics, Kyo Ren held in his amusement as best he could.

“I had a droid bring you fresh clothing.” He gestured towards the bed, on which he had placed your clothing after making it for the umpteenth time. “Dress then bring food.”

It was with a huff that you rose and grabbed up your uniform. Kylo Ren watched as you walked into the bathroom. His heart hiccupped in his chest when he heard the shower running. He set his helmet on the bed, lowering himself beside it. His arms were rested on his knees, hands dangling. You were in his shower, using his soap and shampoo. It felt as though he had gone back in time, to before he had been forced to alter your memory. To erase his time with you.

_He had learned that you were showering in his refresher when he realized he had run out of shampoo. Kylo Ren smiled to himself, and held the empty bottle as the spray continued to beat against his chest. He stepped out of the stall, dropped the bottle into the trash, and opened a cupboard door to grab out his spare. The Force user then returned to the shower. It made sense, he noted as he gathered up the shampoo and began to lather it in his hair; your hair had smelled quite like his shampoo. He had simply considered that you had requested some of his brand for yourself._

Kylo Ren set the stool in the place you had previously positioned it. He watched the immobile item. It was the first time he had used the Force without realizing it. Nightmares were not entirely foreign, and yet—perhaps it was the thought of losing you _again_. Supreme Leader had advised him that morning once more that the option had to remain. His Master had urged him to use cruelty so that you would know your place. Act as though there was no history between the two of you; in certain respects, you _were_ a different person. That was an undeniable fact. Still…

The door opened to permit you reentrance. You carried with you a tray that had a bottle of milk, juice, and an assortment of food. Dehydrated meat, some fruit, and animal crackers—frosted and nonfrosted. You set the tray on his bedside table, and waited a few moments before turning to meet his gaze. “A child’s meal.”

“It’s well-balanced…and fun. I’d eat it.” You shrugged as you spoke these words. What you said hardly surprised him. He had known you to eat such meals when you were feeling under the weather, when you did not have the energy to prepare something that would take time.

Kylo Ren remained quiet as he moved to the bedside table. His fingers grazed over the pieces of food, those digits lingering on a nerf-shaped cracker. His mind was on the story you had begun to tell him. Ren shifted his fingers to a different cracker, pinching and lifting it to his mouth. He bit down, chewing slowly as his mind conjured up the way you had told the story—the story you had not completed. He could feel your gaze on him. Kylo Ren picked up the milk bottle, opened it, and took a drink. His next move was to eat a piece of the jerky you had brought for him. As he did this, Kylo reached to the right of the tray, lifting up a blank data chip, which he set into your hand.

“I will be boarding the Command Shuttle in less than two hours. You may use this room to record… Commander (L/n) may catch you otherwise.”

“What… What are you wanting?” Kylo found that he once more felt relieved, that you were not objecting to this. He could feel your mixed feelings; it was the fact that it all _thrilled_ you that kept him from changing his mind.

“I thought you were an artist, Cindy Liu,” he teased lightly. Ren lifted up his helmet, ate a few more bites of the meal you had brought for him, and set the helmet on his head. He strode out of the room, the man knowing full well that you would be more comfortable if he left.

.

.

.

His hand stilled on his cock though he had not yet cum. On the holovid you had made for him, you had finished licking your juices off your fingers—and now you were sitting there, drawing his bed sheets around your shoulders as you faced the camera. “Since you’re probably curious…and because I think part of your moodiness had to do with whatever bad dream you were having… I’m going to finish the story for you.”

Kylo Ren found himself tucking away his softening cock. He rearranged himself on the bed, pulled the holoprojector on his stomach, and listened as you spoke. The tale was familiar in a number of respects; his father had told him similar stories when he had been younger. In those, however, the maiden or other heroes of the story never fell to darkness. Not that this maiden fell—the ‘hero’ of your tale was, in fact, the villain. Tricking the maiden into assisting him with impossible tasks until she felt only despair. And at that point he revealed his true identity to her: _he_ was the one who had been the cause of her father’s death.

The following two nights, Ren found himself skipping past the striptease and masturbation portions of your video—ironic, given that these were what he had requested. He would sit there, legs crossed, and listen to the tale. Oftentimes he closed his eyes, allowing your voice to wash over him.

Did the cruelty of the protagonist mean anything? Did you view _Kylo Ren_ , for example, as nothing more than a sadistic man? Perhaps you were the maiden. The impossible tasks of preparing his quarters. The false hope. Your despair…

Ren set the heel of his hand against his forehead, knitting his brow as he listened to the tale for the second time that night. The following morning he would set out with his crew to return to the _Finalizer_.

Part of the reason behind him leaving the Star Destroyer was in order for him to distance himself emotionally. Supreme Leader was far from pleased with the level of attachment the Master of the Knights of Ren was experiencing. It was beginning to interfere with _your_ progress. Cruelty, Snoke had stated, would be better suited. It would draw out your frustration, your ire. It was, after all, anger and a sense of betrayal that had first brought your abilities to the attention of the First Order. The murder of your former fiancé.

In order to betray you, however, he would have to endear himself to you. Kylo Ren paused at that thought; he had no wish to betray you. To let you down, perhaps, would be better. Make you believe he thought himself _above_ in all manners. You never had any issues being subordinate to another. If that individual did not _respect_ you, however, that was when you grew frustrated. Ren nodded to himself, deciding that he would play with that thread. Force you to come out of your shell, to become more self-aware without being quite as cruel as Supreme Leader would like.

He would be playing on a thin line. Attempting to return you to your former self, simultaneous to building a relationship with you. It was not something he had been a part of in the past. Your first handler had set the stage for Ren’s entrance. Now the Knight felt quite like a youth awkwardly fumbling with tools he was not equip to handle.

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.

Commander (L/n) had departed from the _Finalizer_ the previous cycle, for which the Knight was grateful. He was not in any mood to play nice with the man. You, meanwhile, had been assigned a certain number of your old tasks as an officer—a good step to returning you to the assassin you had once been, Ren noted.

Rather than head for his own quarters, which he knew you would be preparing, Kylo Ren instead decided to enter the kitchen. He knew where the stash of sweets was kept. Access to the more expensive treats was limited to few, and he was one of those individuals. Kylo Ren grabbed from the shelf a bag of chocolate, the flavor and brand he knew to be one you preferred. Because you had made the first move by finishing the story on that video, the Force user decided that it would be best to repay that in kind before following Snoke’s orders to increase the strength behind nudging you towards becoming that useful pawn of the First Order.

He carried the sweets back in the direction of your quarters, his mind wandering over various ideas as to how to arrange the chocolates. It had to be something meaningful to you—the new version of you, he reminded himself. While you were ultimately the same person, there were notable differences. Experiences that had shaped you in the past were now absent, which meant certain growths had disappeared entirely. When he thought of the first time you had prepared his quarters for him, however, he realized exactly what it was that would capture your attention in the way he was intending.

Kylo Ren input the override code for your room then entered. Once the door closed behind him, he tore open the bag of chocolates and shifted closer to your bed. It was neatly made; when the two of you had been together previously, you sometimes left your bed unmade when you were in a state of depression. He wondered for a moment if you still did so. If that were the case, then the fact that your pillows and sheets were so neat was a good sign.

He dipped his hand into the bag, withdrew a number of the chocolates, and deposited them onto the center of the bed. He was mentally calculating how many it would take to complete the design he had in mind. With only so much time to finish his task before you returned to your quarters, Ren wanted to replace the bag of chocolates in the kitchen so that your attention did not immediately go to the sweets.

Having deposited what he assumed would be the correct amount, Kylo Ren briefly left your quarters to give the bag to a droid, which was then instructed to replace the item in the kitchen. The droid wordlessly obeyed, and Ren was free to return to the task he had assigned to himself. He pinched one of the wrapped chocolates between his fingers and stared at it for a few seconds. His mind wandered to the first time he had given you chocolates.

_You were sitting on the sleeping mat you had arranged in the corner of his quarters, and Kylo Ren tapped a lone finger against his knee as he meditated. Tried to meditate, his mind corrected; your curious stare was not allowing him to fully devote himself to the cause. The pair of you had fought yet again—that was becoming a more common occurrence, your fights. You had accused him of using you for your body alone, of not caring in the least. You had insisted that you were not looking for **love**. Ren did not quite believe you; he knew that it was not necessarily romance you were seeking. And yet he could feel it, the way you were becoming more and more drawn to him. You had even taken to leaving small gifts for him. A cup of caf here, a chocolate on his pillow, not to mention the sexual acts you performed for him without complaint._

_“You should study your manual,” he said in an attempt to shake you off. He could not admit that a part of him did care for you in a way he was not allowed to say; it would be his weakness, his downfall._

_You huffed from your position on a makeshift bed. It was how he knew you were truly upset. “I will request for my quarters to be moved into a different room. We don’t need to share,” you said sourly._

_Kylo sighed, slumping in his chair. “If I did not enjoy our conversations, I would not speak with you aside from during missions,” the Force user said, turning his gaze to your face._

_“Actions speak louder than words, **Sir** ,” you spat back, balling your hands into fists._

_He was quiet, completely silent, for more than five seconds. The man blinked twice in that duration. All the while, he stared at you and thought to himself, weighing the situation. He did not want you to be angry with him, did not want you to move out of his quarters—it was how he was most comfortable, and the small utterance of ‘I love you’ had become something he looked forward to, though he hated to admit to something so sentimental. Kylo rose from the chair he had occupied and walked in the direction of his bedside table. You were never disrespectful of his space in this sense; you did not open any drawer that was not assigned for your use. Ren drew open the drawer, withdrawing a rather expensive chocolate bar from within. This he held out to you, and your brow knit in consternation._

_“A small gift,” he said, his heart stuttering in his chest as he fought to hold onto his mask of stoicism. You bit down on your bottom lip, rolling up onto your knees and then your feet. You tiptoed to him and stood there without grabbing hold of the proffered sweet. “It was intended for a different time.”_

_“Like when?” you asked, the skepticism more than apparent from your tone._

_You could be such an exasperating individual. “I was informed that women celebrate month anniversaries… Such as the sixth month mark of you moving into my quarters, which is in four days.” You instantly became flustered, turning your face away from him and cupping your cheeks in both your hands._

_“Uhm…give…. Give it to me then, okay?”_

_“No. Take it now, or I will eat it.” He did not reveal that he had an alternative gesture in mind when you sighed and at last accepted the chocolate._

Kylo Ren was sitting on the edge of your bed when you entered your quarters. You instantly jumped, a yelp of surprise escaping from you. Ren’s shoulders slumped at the noise, more when you began to apologize whilst closing the door. He remembered a time when you had been more alert; he would not have caught you by surprise in this manner. In part, naturally, due to the pair of you sharing the same room. He waited until the door was fully closed before speaking.

“The nerf-herder and the maiden wandered for months, and he ensured that she had to complete almost impossible tasks along the way… All so that she would break down, sobbing… It’s amusing that this nerf-herder was one of the pirates that had killed her father…not to mention _he_ was the one to ensure that the plague swept through his village. All to keep the treasures his family had obtained to himself.”

“See? It wasn’t a love story,” you said, smiling rather smugly. Ren felt himself relaxing in that moment. He did not want the conversation to end.

“Nor a tale of some innocent nerf-herder shying away from the temptations of the Dark Side.”

“First impressions, man. You can’t trust them.”

“Yes…” It took him that brief pause to know what to say, how to phrase things so that you did not take offense. “Such as the fact that you are not exaggerating your depression to avoid preferential treatment from your father. You’re going through another crisis. You nearly died over such a trivial incident. A malfunctioning droid. The battlefield makes more sense to you, and yet this was during training. You’re trying to understand death, your place in life…” Ren again paused, this time to survey your expression; he did not wish for you to fall into a deep depression again. You appeared to be actively listening, and so he went on. “It’s pointless to waste time doing these things. The droid incident was meaningless. Accidents happen.” It was what he had told you before he had erased your memory. He had done what he could to comfort you, and yet it had never been enough.

“So you say,” you cut in. He noticed the goosebumps that covered your flesh. His words had sunk in deep. “But…” A sigh escaped you, and you allowed your head to fall back so that you could stare up at the ceiling. “Here we are in space. Surrounded by so much, and we’re so small. Yet the smallest thing can make a huge difference. The droid…such a _small_ glitch caused so much damage. It makes me wonder how much of an impact I actually have. Am I one of those pieces that won’t affect anything if I break or am missing? Or am I a piece that, should something happen where I’m not ticking correctly, everything explodes? And, yes, I’m afraid that it’s the first. Yet more afraid that it’s the second. Being garbage would be easier than being…anything else.”

He felt an ache in his chest that did not often arise. Kylo Ren felt his stomach roil. He felt fear—such a stranger, and yet when it came to you, it was a powerful sensation. This was the reason he had been forced to erase your memory in the first place.

“You’re afraid to take the more difficult route of actually living.” He had to fight to conceal the bitterness. Kylo Ren did understand your pain, did empathize to an extent. Yet the thought of you attempting to take your own life _angered_ him. When he had entered his quarters that time to find you so close to doing just that, to ending your life, he had _ached_.

“Sometimes. I don’t want to make a stupid mistake, I guess.”

“Such as making a chocolate tauntaun on my pillow?” he shot. Your eyes widened, and then you appeared to be blushing. You fidgeted, lowered your gaze to the ground, and were at a loss for words. “You will be working three hours each day at the tasks you have been completing during my absence.” What he did not say aloud was that you would be _living_ , would be performing tasks that you could fail at in order to grow.

He felt the relief that flooded through you, and there he withdrew from your mind to allow you more privacy. It was when you allowed a small smile to form that he rose from the bed and exited your quarters. He wondered what your reaction would be to the chocolates that had been placed in a tauntaun-shaped design, yet knew it would be more genuine, would last longer, if he allowed you to discover it with a certain semblance of privacy.

Though your words had been quite similar to ones you had spoken in the past, there had been a spark of hope within you that had not been there before. He knew that he needed to nurture that spark while at the same time he would be forced to obey Supreme Leader. Assert a certain level of dominance over you.

To erase these bitter thoughts, Ren entered his quarters and pulled out his holopad. He inserted the chip you had made prior to his trip. All at once, seeing you stripping for him on that vid, he felt the tension and worry ebbing.

.

.

.

Kylo Ren nearly startled when the door to his quarters opened. He had sensed you walking by, yet had not suspected you would enter, not to mention enter unannounced or without a summons. Which meant that you truly did feel a certain level of comfort with him. His hand stilled between his spread legs, the limb gripping his cock as the video was once more playing the scene of you slowly stripping off your clothes for him. Without so much as a word to him, you began to drag out the mat and started to set up a makeshift bed in the corner of his room.

Kylo Ren removed his hand from his cock to pause the holovid. He shifted without rising from the bed. All the while, he observed each of your actions. So comfortable. It gave him an enormous feeling of relief; following Snoke’s orders would not hurt you completely if you felt comfortable enough to fight back against anything he said—and he had been rehearsing what half-truths he would speak in his head.

At last did you glance his way, your hands busily arranging the pillow and blanket. “I… I need to sleep here tonight.”

“You don’t want to ruin the tauntaun…” He knew you well enough; it had been a possibility when he had created the design that you would become too attached to it. This was something that had _not_ changed when he had altered your memory. You did not respond verbally, merely lowered your gaze to the floor.

Ren inwardly shrugged whilst hitting the play button on the holovid. He sensed you lying down, your face towards the wall. Kylo wrapped his hand around his cock once more, the very tips of his fingers running down his length as he thought of you, as he watched the video you had made. There was no hesitation in the way you had stripped for the video; it allowed him to feel as though it was the old you he was watching—the you that had fallen in love with him.

When you started to turn over to watch him, Kylo Ren used the Force to return you to your former position. You huffed noisily, as though ensuring he heard your protest. “Stop pouting,” he said rather breathily, his hand in constant motion as he thought of the way you used to huff at times when the pair of you engaged in rough sex. Whenever he would gain the upper hand, you would huff or growl in frustration. “You can always go back to your room.” Not that he wished for you to leave; the noises you were making were rather nice. But, until you felt a small amount of fear for him as well as curiosity, he could not allow himself to fall into a position where the two of you would have sex. You could potentially become too needy, could stray from the independent ways you had retained even while the pair of you had been in a relationship in the past. There needed to be that balance.

If there was not, Supreme Leader would not allow the relationship to continue.

“Can’t I just…watch you watch me? It’s…”

He hesitated, his hand faltering mid-stroke. Limitations. You were requesting permission, which meant that you were accepting that a negative answer was possible. Ren ran his tongue over his lips as he considered this.

The moment Kylo Ren allowed the pressure to leave you, you turned and ran your eyes over him. He observed you in his peripheral, not allowing his eyes to stray from the holovid. His movements had slowed; there was something absolutely titillating in putting on a show for you. His fingertips caressed the underside of his shaft before he once more wrapped his fingers around the base, using slightly quicker motions to meet the pace at which you were touching yourself on the vid. He could _feel_ the lust rolling off of you without entering your mind. You wanted him. Perhaps you craved him more than he could imagine; and you would not know why, would never learn that you had had him before—could not know that your body knew his, that it was this familiarity that you were longing for.

“You may touch yourself.”

Your hand was in your pants, undoubtedly in your panties, before another breath could be taken. He watched the way the muscles of your arm flexed. Your fingers had to be buried inside of yourself. The fact that you were chewing on your bottom lip confirmed this for Ren. He felt a tightness forming in his lower belly, a sort of swoop of joy. That you were likely imagining him buried inside of you only increased his own arousal and need. You groaned, spreading your legs wide. Kylo Ren could not work himself fast enough; he was thankful to have used lotion before starting, his smooth hand gliding over his erection. Another moan from you and his hand stilled. “Come here.”

You eagerly climbed onto his bed. “Turn around,” he whispered, and you sat with your back to his chest. Your hand shifted behind you, and when he realized you were reaching for his cock, to touch him, he said in a harsher voice than he meant to: “No.” You whimpered, yet obeyed.

Kylo Ren slipped his free hand into your underwear, his fingers moving to tease your clit. He rolled the nub back and forth rather gently, not applying enough pressure to draw out a moan; however, enough so that his ghost touches caused a shudder to run down your frame. He trailed those same digits down further, not quite touching your entrance. Your hands were on your chest, kneading your breasts simultaneous to the moment he shoved two of his fingers up inside of you. Your inner walls hugged his digits, and Ren reveled in the thought of how that would feel once more around his cock. It had been _too_ long since he had had you in that manner. You gasped aloud. You were so wet around him, each of his movements drawing out squelching from how he was working his fingers into your cunt. Kylo pumped himself in time with fucking his fingers into you. You rolled your hips, instantly moving to meet him. You rode his fingers. All the while, you reached up into your shirt and started to play with your nipples.

Ren started to scissor you, drawing out a whimper from your throat. You ground down harder against him, moaning all the louder when he released himself in favor of gripping your hips. Kylo pulled you closer to himself. He trailed one of his hands up the length of your body—ah, it was familiar and wondrous—and entangled his fingers in your hair. He yanked your head back, and you obediently rested it against his shoulder. Your eyes were running along his face. Ren delighted in the way you were panting. Nearly breathless and you had not even cum yet.

He rounded his hand towards your face, not quite releasing your hair though instead holding it loosely. Thrusting three fingers into your mouth, Ren placed his thumb on your clit. Your lips wrapped around his digits and you started to suck on them; your tongue expertly worked along his fingers. The Force user tugged his hand out of your mouth, seizing hold of your jaw and pinching your cheeks so that you could not again close your lips. He was struck with more memories of that mouth, of the things you were capable of.

Curling and uncurling his fingers, he fucked you harder, faster. You were gripping him, your body drawing him in deeper. His cock _ached_ to be inside of you, to feel this warmth and tightness. Ren rotated his thumb in circles on your clit, occasionally withdrawing his fingers from you to apply some of your juices so that you did not chafe. Drool slipped past your lips, and you were unable to do anything about it as he continued to hold onto you. He thrust his fingers inside of you again, not letting up on speed or pressure. Ren leaned closer so that his breath hit along the trail of saliva. Your body shuddered against his. Tears gathered in your eyes, leaking down the sides of your face as you came on his fingers.

Kylo Ren quickly pushed you onto your back, tore off your bottoms, and hooked your legs over his shoulders. He buried his face in your cunt, his tongue flattening against your entire pussy. He swiped it upwards, flicking the tip against your clit. You gasped, your breath ragged as moans spilled from you. Ren placed one hand flat on your lower belly, rubbing smooth circles that ventured closer and closer to your pubis. His other hand worked his cock, his tongue in constant motion. You rocked against him in earnest; your ass lifted off the bed so that you could grind into his face. Kylo sealed his lips over your clit and sucked. You whimpered at this, a whine of pure need escaping.

Again did he open his mouth, his tongue flicking past his lips to slide along your folds. He loved the way you tasted. Sweet, yet with a sort of tang he _craved_. He drew curly-cues up and down your folds. His balls tightened, cum spurting from his cock. Kylo groaned loudly, allowing the vibrations of his vocalized pleasure to stimulate you further. You shuddered, coming undone and spilling onto his tongue. He lapped at you twice more then flattened his tongue, collecting the last bit of your cum before withdrawing his tongue into his mouth so that he could swallow it all down.

Ren pulled away from you and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. You were exquisite, covered in sweat as you were. Your chest rose and fell heavily with every ragged breath you took. You were watching him in return. The video was playing in the background, and Ren found his attention drawn to the hologram. The bedtime story was leaving your lips on the video. “Get dressed.” He noticed you wincing, and knew immediately that you had misunderstood the nature of his command.

While you dressed, the Knight adjusted himself and shut off the video. He reached for his helmet and placed it upon his head as he rose from the bed. You followed after him, not saying a single word despite the curiosity he could sense was rolling off of you. In this way, he knew you did, on some level, trust him in spite of your apprehensive nature when it came to other things. The Force user led you to your quarters without so much as a word then punched in your code. He entered first, and you came in after him. Without pausing, he moved to the tauntaun he had made with the chocolates. With a simple swipe of his hand, Kylo destroyed the design and left a messy pile of the sweets on the center of your bed.

He lifted one of those chocolates, pulling at either side of the wrapper and removing the foil from the candy. You closed the door to your quarters as you watched him with wide eyes. It was then that Ren removed his helmet again. Your eyes widened further the moment he slipped the candy into his mouth. He furrowed his brow, feigning confusion—he knew _exactly_ why you were surprised. “I did not say that I dislike chocolate.”

Your hand flew up, an accusing finger pointed his way. “You called it garbage!” It was cute, he thought, the way your mind dwelt on the things he said. Ren lifted up another of the chocolates, unwrapping it similarly to how he had the first, and took a bite. You rushed to the bed and grabbed one of the chocolates for yourself, acting as though he would eat them all without allowing you any. You glowered at him as you chewed. “Vanilla? Swirl?”

“They’re fine.”

“Strawberry-flavored?” Your voice had raised an octave, and he worried for a moment that you would become hysterical. The last thing he wanted was to deal with a woman sobbing over discarded candy.

“Sometimes.” You sat down on the bed with your hands crossed over your chest. You openly pouted, and he did what he could to keep the amusement from showing on his face. “Not wanting something at a set point in time does not mean you do not like it.”

He pressed into your head as surreptitiously as he could. Your thoughts: _Well, who the_ fuck _**liked** chocolates, vanillas and swirls and had them_ thrown away?

“I threw you away once.” You opened your mouth to retort then paused. He could hear your confusion, the way you toyed with the meaning behind his words. Ren withdrew from your head to allow you these moments of privacy. He would not say anything further to sway your feelings. You had to arrive at that conclusion alone.

His thoughts strayed towards the lieutenant. You had never stopped seeing the man, talking to him. Lingering there, always, were thoughts of that man. Lieutenant Mitaka owned a part of your heart.

Which was, Ren noted to himself, why he would not allow you to touch him. One of the main reasons. It was solely sex for you. Ironic, given that in the past that had been _your_ accusation against him. In this new portion of your life, you truly were using him for sex. Playing with your lust while only passively toying with your feelings towards him as a person—he could not help but wonder how much you realized he cared for you. If you knew that your actions and words often bespoke of an attraction to him.

In the past, you had been the one to pursue him. Which was making this rather difficult.

Ren popped a third chocolate into his mouth and stared at the bed. He supposed it was preferable that you were not fully aware of how much you were toying with him. It would make your intentions towards the lieutenant more akin to _cheating_. The way you flirted with Mitaka. The thoughts you had of the man. Had you been in the mindset that Ren and you had a relationship whilst entertaining such fantasies, the Force user would have been disgusted. Instead, he was hurt. Jealous. He eyed the chocolates that had formerly made up the tauntaun.

“You should be able to sleep now,” he said gently. You did not appear to notice the fondness in his tone. No; you were much too preoccupied eating another of the chocolates and sulking over the fact that you had previously thrown candy away. Kylo Ren curled his hands into fists, grabbed hold of his helmet, and replaced it on his head. Without another word more to you, he exited your quarters to leave you to your thoughts.

A part of him wished _his_ memory of the time he had spent with you had also been erased.


End file.
